Paper Length: 10-12 pages, due 11 a.m. in lecture
6:00 p.m.: Quick dinner in the dining hall, bring one of my source books and a highlighter.
7:15 p.m.: Discussion with dinnermates on the ethics of sheep cloning.
8:07 p.m.: Manage to get (third bowl of) vanilla fro-yo with Cap'n Crunch dust before the machines are turned off.
8:22 p.m.: Back in the dorm.
8:45 p.m.: (No recollection of how the past 23 minutes were spent.) Gather reading materials and sources, begin formulating outline for essay structure.
8:57 p.m.: Check e-mail, delete USG e-mails.
9:01 p.m.: Check Facebook.
9:45 p.m.: Check PrincetonFML.
9:48 p.m.: Check eBay, find turquoise sequin belt and orange-peel earrings! Two-for-one, auction ends in 42 minutes! Watch item.
10:08 p.m.: Format Word document.
10:27 p.m.: Log in to eBay account, flex fingers in preparation to place last-minute bid.
10:31 p.m.: Outbid by three seconds. Bastards.
10:39 p.m.: Notice cuticle on left thumb, remove and proceed to clip toenails.
11:47 p.m.: Look over precept and lecture notes. Nothing. Pray to John Witherspoon.
12:04 a.m.: Dear Shirley Tilghman,
If you make it snow again I will walk your dog for you every morning until I graduate. I know it's April and the general public may start to get suspicious, especially since you already have a glorious 72-degree sunshine penciled in for Princeton Preview weekend, but please consider it. I'm a great dog-walker, and I've attached a copy of my resume.
Thank you.
1:30 a.m.: Roommate wants to hit the lights. Gather my laptop, charger and books, proceed to Blair kitchen. Four cans of Monster, one coffee maker, two ramen bowls, five fellow procrastinators, 10 bloodshot eyes. I feel happy.
1:44 a.m.: U-Store run for reinforcements. Fruit Roll-Ups and dark roast coffee (two 24-ounce cups)
2:38 a.m.: alksjdalskdjalksjdlajksdalakj
2:55 a.m.: My pee smells like coffee.
3:07 a.m.: I HAVE A THESIS STATEMENT!
3:12 a.m.: Skim through sources - key words, key words, key words.
4:03 a.m.: Wa run - I need a meatball and mayo shortie. Now.
4:15 a.m.: I am going to throw up.
4:55 a.m.: Four pages!
4:56 a.m.: Girl sitting at table across from me is leaving. I am alone in Blair kitchen. Contemplate sticking my pinky toe in electrical outlet. Remember I just clipped my toenails.
5:00 a.m.: Post on PrincetonFML.
5:55 a.m.: Go upstairs to dorm for oatmeal (to wash down meatball mayo shortie). Roommate asleep.
6:05 a.m.: I miss my bed.
7:13 a.m.: Dear block quotes,
I love you. Passionately. And I want to have your children.
7:55 a.m.: Seven-and-a-half pages!
8:08 a.m.: "Breakfast." (And no snow. Thanks, Shirley.)
8:10 a.m.: Girl-with-eight-hours-of-sleep sitting across from me reads ‘Prince' article on sleep deprivation. Grapefruit squirts in my eye as I mull over irony and the banality of academia.
8:47 a.m.: Less than two-and-a-half hours. Shit.
10:10 a.m.: Conclusion. Nine pages.
10:11 a.m.: Adjust all periods to size 14. Ten-and-a-half pages.
10:12 a.m.: Dear Word formatting,
I want to have your children as well.
10:13 a.m.: First draft done.
10:14 a.m.: Spell check.
10:15 a.m.: Second draft done.
10:20 a.m.: I hate bibliographies.
10:44 a.m.: PAPER JAM! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU, JOHN WITHERSPOON?!
10:59 a.m.: Success! (Cow-print pajama bottoms and Pre-Rade T-shirt notwithstanding.)
11:07 a.m.: Forgot to sign the Honor Code pledge.
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