Bodies were strewn across the floor, battered, bruised and beaten. The massacre of the 2009 dodgeball tournament is legendary, and new information about the proceedings has just now emerged.
“Nick Pugliese was charged with a war crime by a military tribunal for his conduct in the tournament last year,” senior Mark Zalewski reported. “It took a team of six lawyers and no less than $48.6 million dollars in bribes to keep him out of prison so he could return to school last fall.”
It’s here: the 2010 dodgeball tournament. Some 2,500 students will compete for more than 100 teams, and the night will feature a “Public Safety versus The Street” exhibition matchup and the Red Bull Wings Girls in their Mini Cooper. Tournament director David Slovenski ’12 said that along with the traditional pizza and T-shirts, free Red Bull will be part of this year’s festivities.
But we all know that the dodgeball tournament is about more than the free giveaways. Several students were asked to describe the popularity of the tournament.
“Deep down, I feel like everyone at Princeton is a nerd,” junior Brett Lullo explained. “We all got our fair share of dodgeballs chucked at our heads in elementary school. Whether we were the fat kid, the nerdy kid or the boy that threw like a girl, we all got our butts kicked in dodgeball growing up. But now, most of us are past our awkward stages and are looking for revenge. It’s the ultimate revenge of the nerds.”
“It’s simple: our singular quest for utter domination,” senior Henry Fyfe said of Men’s Water Polo. “We dominate in the pool, we dominate at the Beirut table, we dominate on the dance floor. Polo dudes can’t help but dominate.”
Perhaps most eloquently of all, sophomore Lauren Edwards described Basketball’s attitude, noting, “It’s all or nothing.”
Beyond the quest for bragging rights, individual rivalries transform individual games into “One Shining Moment” that can last a Princeton career. Whether it’s the traditional fights for residential college dominance and eating club superiority, or the infighting when groups with cross-membership face off, certain games are elevated to a “must-win” level.
After Basketball beat Tiger Inn in the finals last year, a potential semifinal clash between the two traditional titans has both teams smelling blood. Several basketball players contacted for this article expressed their desire to defend their title at all costs, but they did not comment on this potential matchup. TI, however, set out a challenge.
“I’d love to face off against them again,” Lullo said. “If the guys thought losing to Cornell all year was rough, wait until they lose to us on Thursday.”
Particularly ugly battles to look for this year include Ivy Club–Cottage Club, Basketball–Club Lacrosse and Band–Smashcraft Heroes, as well as a potential matchup between the men’s and women’s track and field teams. More to come on predictions later.
To help lesser teams, The Daily Princetonian asked past victors to offer some suggestions.
Some respondents chose to highlight their training regimens, while others focused on in-game tactics.
“It really starts with the concept of ‘your body is a temple,’” senior Chris Petrie said. “We have put the entire TI membership on what we call the “success cycle”: a high trans fat diet, which we supplement with no physical activity, and every other week we all go for lipo to trim down. It’s what the pros use, so we consider it good enough for us.”
“We have Krystal Hill on the front line, dodging balls left and right, and Pawel Buczak throwing long-range missiles,” Edwards said of the combined men’s and women’s basketball team. “I would watch out for those two.”
Though Cap & Gown Club, ROTC and Sprint Football were loath to share the details of their training program, they were content to offer one general pearl of wisdom.
“Our training program seeks to get the most out of each player’s talent by emphasizing communication, decision-making and situational awareness,” senior Sam Gulland of the sprint football team explained. “Not every player can throw a 90 mph fastball or make highlight-reel catches, but every player can be vocal about who should catch lob throws, can make intelligent decisions about when to dodge and when to catch, and can constantly scan the whole court so as not to be taken by surprise.”
The success of Water Polo may be in jeopardy this year, as key players are studying abroad. Though complete rosters have not yet been released, inside information has been revealed.
“We would’ve never gotten as far as we did had it not been for the great ball-handling skills of the polo guys, especially those of Tommy Parolin,” Lullo said of a teammate who is abroad this semester. “I have talked to a lot of the polo guys, all of whom have praised Tommy’s veteran ball-handling skills. It’s like it comes naturally to him, like a sixth sense. It was his quick ball-snatching hands that led us deep into the final game and allowed us to last as long as we did.”
Perhaps most specific was the suggestion offered by Zalewski to those facing Men’s Water Polo: “Get your ice packs ready. Dial 9-1-1 in advance and have paramedics on hand.”
One must question the wisdom of the selection committee, as the Orange Key tour guides landed a first-round match with Men’s Water Polo.
Predictions
Looking at the Small Teams division, with teams of 20 or fewer, several squads appear to be posed to make Cinderella runs deep into the draw.
Early favorites are ROTC and lightweight crew. Two key matchups to watch will be Women’s Club Lacrosse against Women’s Soccer, in a catfight that will be sure to live up to its billing. Another potential powder-keg game will be the first-round pairing of Ballet with Psychology. Seriously folks, this one could get ugly. With $500 on the line for the division winners, expect ROTC to take the Small Division gold.
In the Medium Teams bracket, with teams of 20–40 players, the early favorites are Club Baseball, Volleyball and Men’s Water Polo. The first-round match to watch has to be the slugfest between Fencing and Mock Trial. The definite Cinderella of the draw is Varsity Squash, which will not face serious competition until a potential matchup with Club Baseball or Men’s Water Polo in the division final. Riding high off of last year’s success, Men’s Water Polo will be the prohibitive favorite to advance to the quarterfinals.
As the teams get bigger, the draws get rougher. In the Large Teams division, with teams of more than 40 that are not eating clubs or residential colleges, the draw is extremely lopsided. With Basketball, Club Lacrosse and Football all vying for the same division semifinal berth, the rugby team will have its hands full refereeing. The sleeper here is Sprint Football, which is on the relatively weaker side of the bracket. Club Lacrosse should have an easy path to the final, where they should upset the football team. After all, nobody wins picking all No. 1 Seeds.
Entering the Huge Teams division, the juggernauts of TI and Cap appear to have been rewarded for past success. The selection committee placed them on opposite sides and with relatively kind draws. Though Cap may give TI a run, expect the defending Huge Teams champion to retain its title — TI will advance to the semifinal.
The final four will be ROTC, Water Polo, Club Lacrosse and TI. Astute readers will notice that this draw would result in substantial infighting due to cross-membership.
Princeton dodgeball fanatics recall that a similar situation occurred last year when TI faced Water Polo in the semifinal.
The ‘Prince’ asked a few players for reactions to that event, but only Zalewski was able to overcome the emotions stirred by such recollections. “I felt sad, angry, confused,” he reminisced. “Really, how would you describe how you felt if two of your favorite things in the world chose to square off, in a fight to the death, right in front of you? How does one choose between root beer and Cherry Coke? Between Star Wars and Lord of the Rings?”
Zalewski offered sage advice in advance of tonight’s big event: “Dodgeball is, of course, a sport that involves athletic prowess, certainly, but the difference between good and great? That’s all mental. Any serious dodgeballer knows that dodgeball is really 82–87.4 percent mental. As such, every Friday night, our squad gathers in the four rooms on our team that have xBox Live, and for seven-and-a-half hours straight, we play the new Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. It is extremely important to replicate similar high-pressure situations, to mold and harden the mind, so it doesn’t break down under pressure. I’ve seen kids crack, and it ain’t pretty: One freshman on our team, Billy ‘Bilbo’ Tifft, was a mere two kills away from getting a tactical nuke — which for all you layman out there means the game winner — when he got ambushed from behind and beat down. It took Bilbo a while to come back from that one, but now he has mastered his fear and is stronger for it. You better believe he won’t crack under the pressure.”
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