The Awkward Turtle
What to do: Place one palm flat on top of other outstretched hand, rotate thumbs in circular motion clockwise or counterclockwise, preferably in unison.
When to do it: The Awkward Turtle is the classic silence-breaker when situations get uneasy. After a few seconds of unresponsive silence, slip out the Awkward Turtle, rotating the thumbs as you look around. You may augment the motion by saying "Awkward Turtle" in a slightly melodic, off-tune voice, or simply say nothing and let the Turtle do the talking.
Example:
(First day of precept)
Girl 1: So did you ever find out who that guy was?
Girl 2: What guy?
Girl 1: The one you hooked up with on Thursday.
Girl 2: Hmm ... I don't know; it was kind of dark. Tim something ...
Preceptor: (walks in, places notebook on table) Hey guys. I'm Tim Scheffner.
Girl 1: (Awkward Turtle)
The TMI Turkey
How to do it: Hold up one hand so that thumb is closest and pinky is furthest away. Spread fingers wide apart into turkey feathers. Make other hand into fist and smack it into center of open palm, with fist's thumb sticking out to make neck and head of turkey.
When to do it: Use the TMI Turkey when someone you are with provides you with a little too much information, especially regarding the graphic details of bodily functions or sex.
Example:
(In dining hall)
Guy 1: (with mouthful of cheese steak) You know that spicy corn they put in the salad at the Mardi Gras dinner?
Guy 2: (about to reach for fork) Yeah?
Guy 1: I saw the kernels again this morning ... but that dinner was last week.
Guy 2: (TMI Turkey)
The Sexual Tension Starfish
How to do it: Place one palm directly onto face.
When to do it: Use this when you witness a sexually tense moment between two or more people in your proximity.
Example:
(In laundry room)
Freshman Boy: (picks up thong from floor) Uh, I think you dropped this.
Freshman Girl: (turns as she is about to leave) Oh. Yeah. Thanks. (makes eye contact, reaches out to take thong; her hand lingers over his)
Senior Loading Laundry into Dryer: (Sexual Tension Starfish)
Embarrassed Moose
How to do it: Place thumbs at temples, extend fingers to make antlers, rotate thumbs so that fingers cover eyes.
When to do it: The Embarrassed Moose works particularly well when you are the instigator of, or directly involved in, the embarrassing situation. The gesture also works, however, if you are a witness who doesn't quite know how to respond. If in a group situation, either the embarrassed person may perform the Moose or everyone else bearing witness can.
Example:
(In bathroom)
Girl 1: (at sink fiddling with contacts; pauses as very strange noises and peculiar odors come from stall)
Girl 2: (exits stall; pauses as she sees Girl 1, who happened to be looking in her direction, brows furrowed)
Girl 1: I know. That Mehek study break didn't sit well with me either.
Girl 2: ... Uh ...
Girl 1 and Girl 2: (Embarrassed Moose)
The Uncalled-For Squid
How to do it: Requires two participants. Lace fingers of both hands together to form a cupola. Other participant places hand in cupola so fingers wiggle downward, making tentacles.
When to do it: Use the Uncalled-For Squid when you and another person are appalled by someone's unwarranted behavior.
Example:
(At Murray-Dodge)
Guy 1: Hey man, you looked kind of upset at lecture today.
Guy 2: My mom called this morning.
Guy 1: Something wrong?
Guy 2: My ferret's missing. I've had him for seven years.
Guy 1: I'm really sorry, man. Is a ferret really hard to find?
Guy 2: (nods sadly) Yeah. He's really good at getting into small holes.
Guy 3: That's what she said.
Guy 1 and Guy 2: (Look at Guy 3; pause; Uncalled-For Squid)
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