Ask the Sexpert: Feb. 12, 2010

Dear Sexpert,

I never considered myself a prude, but last week my girlfriend ordered a couple vibrators online, and I got a little uncomfortable. I started wondering if I wasn't doing enough for her in bed, but she insisted we should use them together. Do you have any tips on how we can ease into this? Is there anything we should know before we start experimenting?

-Toying Around

Dear Toying Around,

The most important thing for you to do in this situation is to talk to your girlfriend about what you feel comfortable with. Get your worries out on the table before you start experimenting in the bedroom. If toys just aren't right for you, it's perfectly reasonable to tell her the truth. Sex toys such as vibrators are meant to enhance sexual experiences, and if you're uncomfortable with them, they won't be enjoyable for either you or your partner.

Whether you decide to use the vibrator or not, don't take her interest in experimentation as an insult. Many women find it hard to climax during sex no matter how skilled their partner is. It may be that your girlfriend feels using a toy such as a vibrator during sex will help you both enjoy yourselves more fully. If you feel ready to give it a try, look at it as an opportunity to explore something new together.

The vibrator is the most commonly used sex toy, and there is a wide variety of kinds out there, ranging from small vibrating rings that can be slipped onto a finger or penis to large phallic-shaped toys. I recommend you start small. Then, if it seems like something a bit bigger would be a better fit (pun intended!), you can always trade up later. Start with the vibrator on its lowest setting, and remember to be gentle, as this is a new experience for both of you.

Though this can be a great way to spice things up, I do have some words of caution. An un-lubricated vibrator can be very painful, so be sure to have plenty of lube on hand and to apply it liberally and often. Clean vibrators (and all other sex toys) after each use - especially if you are going to be sharing toys with different partners or if you are going to be switching between vaginal and anal use. This will prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and other nasty infections. However, since not all toys can be disinfected, and it's not very sexy to have to stop mid-romp to boil your sex toys, I suggest you use condoms on the vibrator and switch to a new condom every time you switch partners or orifices.

As always, remember that communication is key, and that sex should be fun for both of you. If the toys do make sex more pleasurable, by all means experiment, but don't feel pressured to do anything you're not comfortable with - there are plenty of manual ways to add zest to your sex life.

-The Sexpert

‘Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!