It's time for some potty humor. And I don't mean poop jokes - I mean tales from the ultimate den of awkwardness: the shared bathroom. We've all had to deal with the guy who sings arias in the shower or the serial non-flusher, but sometimes things can get much more serious and much less normal.
Have you ever been conscientiously and quietly brushing your teeth when you hear a certain familiar tip tap tip tap? "That can't be what I think it is," you say to yourself (but not out loud of course, because then you'd be the weird one). But as you continue to brush, you realize that you are indeed hearing the proverbial tip tap tapping of a laptop keyboard coming from the second stall? No? That's never happened to you? Well, then you obviously aren't listening hard enough. Sometimes Texts From Last Night can't wait, man.
There's also girl-on-a-totally-different-schedule-than-everyone-else. She's been known to put on a full face of makeup in the bathroom at 4:30 in the morning. Now, here's the question: Was she A) just going out for the night at 4:30 a.m., B) starting her day at 4:30 a.m. or C) just freshening up in the middle of an all-nighter? The correct answer is D) who the hell knows? We would have also accepted E) she's mentally unstable.
And then there's the strangest story of them all: the tale of the pantless wonder. Apparently there's a girl who goes through all of her morning routine naked from the waist down. That means trouserless toothbrushing, pantieless primping and, of course, bootilicious bathing. I just hope the janitor never walks in on her.
So please, next time you use a public bathroom, make sure you keep the rules of common courtesy in mind: Put your head down, take quick showers and, for the love of God, keep your pants on. The world will be a happier place.
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