Dear Sexpert,
I live in a double, and I like to go out to the Street, but my roommate doesn't. Sometimes I want to bring someone back, but I can't kick my roommate out of bed, and I don't know where to hook up when the other person has roommates, too. What should I do? Do you have any helpful tips?
-Considering the Laundry Room
Dear Laundry,
The laundry room may not be the best place to go! This is a tough problem, but I do have some suggestions for you. If you're just planning to make out with them, you may want to stay at the club where you run into the person. That will save you a lot of trouble trying to find somewhere to go. Under no circumstances, however, should you take things farther at a club: You will make people uncomfortable, you may be thrown out, and it's disrespectful to the officers who live there. If you'd like some more privacy or are open to the possibility of taking things further, there are a few things you can try. If the other person has a common room and his or her roommates would be okay with you using it, that's certainly a viable option. If his or her roommates would be willing to let you use their room, you could go there, since the person you'd be sexiling might be understanding of the situation, and the person who wants to hook up with you will hopefully try to make it work out for the two of you.
Since your roommate doesn't like to go out so much, he or she might not be interested in working out a schedule, but perhaps if he or she is awake and in the room when you're coming home, you could ask to use the room on certain nights and offer your roommate something in exchange. He or she might be more understanding than you would think, and a system could do the two of you a lot of good. Just sit down and have a frank discussion about the situation - though remember that your roommate doesn't have to work with you, and that you should approach him or her without being belligerent or expecting anything. If this is a frequent problem, hopefully you've drawn a room for next year that's either a single or has some sort of common space, but the year's almost over, so hold tight, and try not to use any communal spaces in your building!
-The Sexpert
Dear Sexpert,
I just read the article in The Daily Princetonian about Craigslist hookups, and I'm kind of curious. If I'm interested in trying something like that, what precautions should I take?
-Searching for Something New
Dear Searching,
First of all, remember that you never know who someone really is until you meet him or her in person, so it might be safer to try to meet new people by joining new activities on campus or expanding your social circles before turning to the internet. However, finding someone online isn't a commitment, and you can back out any time, so as long as you're careful, you can certainly give the internet search a try!
When searching for someone to hook up with anonymously, you have to take the usual precautions against STIs and pregnancy - condoms, dental dams and birth control if necessary - but you also need to make sure you're not in danger. It's a good idea to meet for the first time in a public location. Even if you're trying to be discreet, you can meet up in such a way that there are other people around and you have an opportunity to leave if the other person is not who he or she claimed to be online.
If the other person is not a Princeton student, there's also a risk inherent in letting him or her into your dorm room, so I would suggest getting to know him or her before you hook up for the first time. This will probably make things better for you and will mean that you're less likely to have to call someone to rescue you, be it Public Safety or a friend. Along those lines, you may want to make sure that you have a friend you can call in case there's trouble. You don't have to let your friend know what you're doing, but it might be a good idea just to make sure someone's around. If you think the other person is seriously dangerous, don't proceed with the hookup. It's absolutely better to be cautious in these sorts of situations.
If you decide to go ahead with this, resist the temptation to get drunk - you should be alert in case any problems arise. Sobriety in this sort of situation is worth feeling a bit awkward if it helps you stay safe. Ask the person in advance if he or she has been tested for STIs, but be aware that the other person may not be telling the truth and always insist on using protection. This is a good idea for all hookups, by the way! All of these warnings are for worst-case scenarios, but if you meet up with someone from the internet, you could have a lot of fun, and I hope it works out for you!
-The Sexpert
‘Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!
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