Top Ten — Feb. 5, 2009 - The Princetonian

2) Have a dance party in your room to Cher's "This Is a Song for the Lonely."

3) Start chain smoking, wear all black and declare that you don't care about your rejection because life is a meaningless collection of abstractions that will end just in death and emptiness. Then sign into Terrace.

4) Watch every episode of "The Office," and remind yourself that at least you're much cooler than Dwight ever will be.

5) Remember that, with all the money you'll be saving, you can afford to buy new friends.

6) Take out a few books from the library to keep yourself busy over initiations weekend: books about dousing yourself in Jell-o, alcohol and vomit.

7) Save your money for a RealDoll to "keep yourself company."

8) Comfort yourself with the knowledge that one day you will be wildly successful, while all those members who rejected you will be digging themselves out of debt and begging you for a job.

9) If all else fails, steal your mother's Xanax and spend the next weekend in a happy place where eating clubs do not exist.