Ask a Grad Student — Feb. 26, 2009

Ever wonder about those strange, slightly older Princetonians who teach your precepts and then seem to disappear off the face of the earth? Our anonymous grad student has the answers. In this issue: The secret bar at the bottom of the Graduate College and grad student grooming.

Q: I hear rumors about a grad student bar. What's it like? Can I come?

A: Ah, the D-Bar. The pot of dank at the end of a long day of the precepting, dissertating and aimless internet surfing we call work. "D-Bar" is short for "debasement bar," because it's located in the basement of the Graduate College. Get it?

Take the ratio of nerdy guys to attractive females at a really cool bar. Now invert that. Then cut the cost of drinks at said bar by 75 percent. That's the D-Bar. I'm a cheap bastard, so I think it's a pretty good trade, but others disagree.

In all seriousness, the D-Bar is sort of a dive bar for graduate students. We go there because drinks are cheap, the lighting is dim and chances are we know the bartender. We drink; we bitch about work, significant others and how stupid rational choice theory is. Normal bar stuff.

Once a month or so there's a big party ('80s night! High school party!). Some nights there's karaoke. If you've never heard a group of drunken grad students sing "Don't Stop Believing" at 2 a.m., you've never truly laughed.

You can come, but only if you know a grad student who will sign you in. You'll make your preceptors marginally uncomfortable. If you're female, you might get hit on in a particularly awkward fashion. And even if we don't know you, we'll know you're an undergrad.

Q: Every time I stand next to grad students they smell funny. Do grad students shower?

A: Despite its appearance, all housing for graduate students is equipped with running water. Though our "jobs" don't always involve daily human interaction, all graduate students strive to maintain a professional appearance and demeanor.

Seriously.

Ah hell, who am I kidding? Grad school attracts a small minority of people who appreciate that unusual grooming habits go unpunished in academia. So yeah, a few of us smell, but the rest of us hate them as much as you do.

And we have to stand next to them on the shuttle every day.

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‘Ask a Grad Student' is written by a Ph.D. student. His name is withheld because he hopes to someday teach at Eastnorthwest Crappy State Community College.

Have a question about grad student life? E-mail street@dailyprincetonian.com