Ah, robo. Each night, Princeton students descend to a table of glory to do battle. Intelligence and strength not required, of course, but the game satisfies that competitive drive that apparently got us all here... heh, wonder where that went.
Today, the 'Prince' offers up a list of thoughts and points on the great game for all to contemplate and discuss. After all, it's a gentleman's game. A gentleman's game. So here goes, and happy bouncing.
1. What is a "varsity surface"?
Let's be clear: though the game can be played on any surface with a reasonable bounce, a varsity surface is the field of choice for any serious player. They take several forms. Popular on the 'Street' are sheets of melamine, basically particleboard layered with a thin plastic film. Buy 'em at Home Depot or Lowes in 48 in. x 96 in. sheets, and cut each into four to get a couple surfaces. Alternatively, get a piece of Formica and glue it to some particleboard yourself. The Formica is ideal because it's much thicker than melamine, yields a better bounce, and doesn't soak up beer like the melamine does.
2. Quarters.
The prevailing knowledge is that if you're holding a state quarter when a non-state (i.e., eagle on the back) quarter is available, you are wrong. However, it turns out that ALL standard American quarters, including state quarters, weigh exactly 5.67 grams – including the state ones with the different funny designs on the back. That's right, all of those suckers are designed to weigh 5.67 grams, according to the U.S. Mint web site. That means that the common belief about state quarters having less metal than non-state ones is incorrect. Of course, some claim that the bounce with the eagle design on the back is better, but this appears dubious. That said, stick with tradition: if you're superstitious, use the eagle quarter and ride it to victory.
3. Cups
Unless you're out on the street, get some normal solos. None of that small-cup bullshit that girls use for shots and champagne.
4. Zamboni
Though your hand makes an adequate zamboni, you might want to invest in one of those windshield squeegie things to get a nice, clean surface to bounce on. Home Depot sells them for $4. Better yet, give a guy off the street a dollar every time things get wet. This might require you to install a stop light in your room, though.
5. Know the rules.
Beyond the fall of your freshman year, it's not acceptable to walk up to a table and start playing, then ask questions like "So, who shoots next?" This should be patently obvious and you shouldn't have to ask. If you're an upperclassman and you still don't know, you shouldn't be showing your face anywhere near a table. Don't hop into a game and act like it's cool — it's not, and everyone hates you.
6. Being a girl ...
... does not exempt you from the above rule. (It does exempt you from playing, though. Get the fuck out of here.)
7. Don't swallow the quarter.
It may be true that you can pass anything under an inch in diameter, but you still need to get checked out to make sure the quarter isn't damaging anything in there. But that's not the real reason not to swallow the thing; it's 25 cents, you cheap bastard, so cough it back up.
8. Cannon
If you insist on playing with a cannon rack, you have to actually be able to hit individual cups. Just showing off that you know what the word means isn't enough, and it doesn'st give you any authority. Ass.
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