So many stars watching us

It wasn't really a cold day. The silence of winter was now just a memory, and the vivaciousness of spring was beginning to return. Yet there was still a chill to the air, a reminder of the coldness from which the world had emerged. A breeze occasionally whispered, ruffling the tall grass before me and the sand on the shore beyond. It was enough to make one shiver.

I sat on the deck and stared out across the vast expanse of ocean that shimmered as far as I could see, as the sun began its descent below the horizon. The only consistent sound was that of the waves, which from my vantage point, sounded like the distant rumble of thunder, a reminder that much of nature remained untamed. There was no sign of human activity, and as I sat, I felt that I was perhaps an intruder, spoiling this scene of sky and water and earth. It was quiet. I was alone. Alone. Especially now that part of my soul was gone.

My mind drifted, like the sand blown by the wind. I tried to remember his face, but much of it escaped me. I strained to sift through the layers of years that clouded my mind. I closed my eyes, and now it was almost clear. I could see his smile, hear his laugh. The memory was refreshing, but painful too. I opened my eyes. He was gone. Come back! I wanted to shout.

The breeze picked up, and I could smell the spray of the ocean. The last rays of day were about to disappear. Far off in the distance, I thought I could see a light. A distant ship perhaps. I blinked, and it too had vanished. What good times we had shared when we were young. Like the camping trip, when we had gotten lost somewhere in the woods as night was falling. And we had decided to build a fire, and then we had decided to construct a fort, and then we would go exploring. But all we got were a bunch of sticks before his father had come hurrying through the woods with a lantern, and then we realized we were only 50 feet from our campsite. I couldn't help but smile at the memory.

Now, it was getting darker and colder. A lone seagull flew above me, and I watched it circle for a moment before it darted upward and flew into the shadows. I stared after it for some time but could not distinguish it. Lights were beginning to come on in the houses behind me, but the silence remained ... again my mind wandered ... one evening we were playing basketball in the cul-de-sac in my neighborhood with one of those cheap plastic hoops. We had been going back and forth, trading baskets. I nailed a shot; he drove for a layup. I hit a three; he claimed there was no way, it was a two, and, in fact, there weren't three-pointers in our game. He ran into me and banked a shot off the backboard. I said it was a foul. He said too bad there weren't any referees. My mom yelled at me through the front door that it was time for dinner. I ignored her. It was getting very dark, and I could barely see the basket anymore. I asked the score; he said he was winning. I was sure that wasn't the case. We argued. Fine, we decided, whoever scored next would win. He took the ball, tried to dribble like he was Michael Jordan, lost the ball, retrieved it and took a long shot. We watched breathlessly, bragging rights on the line. The ball hit the top of the backboard with great velocity. Such an impact, in fact, that the entire hoop began to teeter back and forth, and then with a great thud, it crashed to the ground. We laughed for at least five minutes...

Now, slowly, grudgingly, I came back to reality. The years had passed. And he was gone. I wanted to cry. I wanted to see his face just once more. Instead, I kept looking into the distance. The wind whipped up, and I put my hands in my pockets. Stars were beginning to glimmer in the night sky. So many of them, it made me feel insignificant. But I was strangely comforted. With so many stars watching us, perhaps we weren't alone. Perhaps he was one of those stars. "Hey." I heard a voice behind me, and then an arm wrapped around my shoulder. "Hi Dad," I said without turning around. He sat down in the chair next to me. We stared into the distance together as the sun finally vanished out of sight ...