Keep it classy

Nothing is as quintessentially "Princeton" as Houseparties — the elaborate dinners, the outdoor cocktail soirees, and of course the cheesy '80s cover bands. It's up to you to determine whether, when reminiscing, you cry tears of joy or sorrow. Here are a few hints to avoid disaster.

Do...

...Pull out Granny's favorites.

Ladies, dedicate the weekend to full-ass underwear. While your Cinderella-esque ensemble may initially give you an air of poise and grace, the reality is as inescapable as the midnight transformation: By the end of the night, you will fall. More importantly, you will flash. And while arnica may help with the painful bruising, the therapeutic herb won't assuage the embarrassment and shame associated with the awkward photographs — ask Britney. Better yet, ask her children. So be preemptive. Keep your privies hidden and prevent facebook.com album humiliation. Embrace the granny panties! If you don't got 'em, head over to Victoria's Secret — the five-for-25 sale was made for moments like this.

...Stick to flowers, smokes and booze.

At Houseparties, tradition trumps novelty. Men, you can never go wrong with flowers. Ladies, if you want your boy to behave like a man, get him manly presents. Though you may think it's cute to buy him a bag of Ricky's candy, remember whom you're really buying that candy for. So ditch the yogurt pretzels and head over to A Little Taste of Cuba or Varsity Liquors. Your date will thank you, and so will your waistline.

...Dress to impress.

Girls, if you think you are the only one fawning over that little Diane Von Furstenberg number at Zoe, you are sadly mistaken. For my junior prom, I donned a dress I had been eyeing in a local store for weeks, only to step into the limo and find my best friend's date, who happened to look just like me, wearing the same horrific magenta Betsy Johnson ensemble. Better look past the confines of Palmer Square. Check out shopbop.com.

Guys, when it comes to tuxedos, there is a fine line between class and crass. While a festive cummerbund may seem exciting, avoid the translucent red velvet vest set the student agency will try and sell you — I promise you, you will regret it. And a word to the wise: The long tie is out. Correction, it was never in — a tuxedo involves a bowtie. When in doubt, favor what is traditional. After all, this is Princeton.

...Prevent blisters and bunions.

Don't needlessly aerate Prospect's lawns — bring alternative footwear: flip-flops are the best option. Not only will they come in handy in your drunken outdoor navigation, they will allow for greater dance floor mobility. So save your Manolos and break out the Havaianas ... or at least bring them along.

...Go easy at the cocktail parties.

While a few pre-party drinks can act as a nice social lubricant, keep it classy. No one wants to show up with a Courtney Love or Pete Doherty on their arm.

Don't...

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...Hit Hollywood Tans the day of Houseparties.

Not only will you look like a tomato, you'll smell like charred skin the entire evening. My suggestion? Opt for Neutrogena Build-a-Tan instead.

...Be camera shy.

En route to the Street, why not have the cliche Prospect Garden photo shoot and pose with the million-dollar tulips? You'll be happy to have some pre wine-stained teeth images to show the 'rents. Plus, a morning photo review might help fill in the blanks of the evening.

...Push the food around.

Don't starve yourself. Eat your dinner. It's a loooong night. Better to have something to show for your genuflections toward the porcelain altar at the end of the night. Dry heaves just ain't the same.

...Take a rando.

This is not the proper occasion to "get to know somebody." Lord knows, by the end of the first cocktail party, perversions and oddities of character — a la Michael Lohman — that you failed to notice in your precept will rear their ugly heads. Additionally, "import dates" are a risky business. Your high school friend's lacrosse-playing older brother from Vanderbilt may be eye candy, but this isn't a bedroom event. For Houseparties, entertaining conversation and table manners are more valuable than under-the-cover dexterity. Moreover, you will spend the entire night babysitting: By the time everyone's drunk, you'll be more concerned with ditching your date than parading him around on your arm.

...Undress.

OK guys, we all know you think it's sexy to let your bowtie dangle loosely. But when everyone is doing it, you look like a bunch of sweaty schoolboys as opposed to Pierce Brosnan. So stay intact, at least until after dinner.

A parting word for the wise ... wear a condom. Nothing worse then carrying your diploma in one hand and a baby in the other. Rachel Crane is a junior religion major from Los Angeles, Calif. She can be reached at crane@princeton.edu.