Ask the Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,

I know it sounds gross, but sometimes after sex I ejaculate onto my girlfriend. Lately she's been getting freaked out because someone told her that she might get pregnant that way. I think she's wrong. Can you help settle this?

— Coming too close

Dear Coming too close,

I know that sometimes people like to shower their girlfriends with things other than love, but I've got to side with your girlfriend on this one. She definitely can get pregnant, in a variety of ways. First of all, pre-ejaculate can contain sperm. It's issued from the penis before you even ejaculate (hence the name). She can get pregnant if this is secreted into or near the vagina, just like ejaculate.

Don't think you're off the hook just by ejaculating on a body part that isn't near her genitals, either. If she goes into the shower to rinse off, she could technically still wash the semen into her vagina. The likelihood of pregnancy here is pretty low, but there is still a chance. If your girlfriend is using some form of birth-control pill, then the likelihood of her getting pregnant goes way down.

— The Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,

I'm a woman in a very satisfying relationship. The only issue is that I never have orgasms during vaginal intercourse. When I masturbate, things are fine though. Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me or my partner?

— Selectively Unsatisfied

Dear Unsatisfied,

Contrary to what you might learn in the movies, most women don't have earthshaking orgasms during vaginal intercourse. In fact, many don't climax at all — they need direct stimulation of the clitoris in order to orgasm. Sure, there are some women who get along just fine without manual stimulation, and others who can orgasm through stimulation of the breasts, vagina, anus and other sensitive areas, or a combination of everything. But there's no hard and fast rule.

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Clearly, you know how to please your own body. So, feel free to teach your partner how and where you like to be touched. If you and your partner are comfortable doing so, you could have your partner watch you masturbate in order to get a proper visual of what you like.

You could try experimenting with positions to maximize clitoral stimulation during vaginal sex, or you could have your partner manually or orally stimulate you before or after sex if it's easier to achieve orgasm that way.

Don't be afraid to try new things! Remember that some positions may require you to use a condom or personal lubricant to prevent tearing skin, and you need to be careful that the condom stays on properly. Also, if you try anything other than vaginal penetration, you need to change condoms between the types of penetration — in other words, don't use the same condom for anal sex that you use for vaginal sex!

If none of these tips helps, remember to relax and enjoy what is going on. Many women get so caught up in whether they're going to have an orgasm that they aren't able to climax because they're too preoccupied. Outside factors such as school stress and alcohol can also affect your ability to climax, so one of the best things you can do is be intimate with your partner when your mind is clear and focused.

The most important thing you mentioned in your question was that your relationship was very satisfying, which is great. Sex and orgasms aren't the only components of a healthy relationship, which you already seem to have.

— The Sexpert

"Ask the Sexpert" is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. Submit questions, to be published anonymously every Thursday, to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!