Eating options, Bicker and initiations

I witnessed something scary out on the Street on Saturday night. Standing in the crowd waiting by the open bar, I overheard two girls talking about eating club initiations. The knowing upperclassman, a junior coed, reassured the younger girl — who I imagine might have been attending her first formal — that she wouldn't have to do anything she didn't want to. The RCA in me was nodding along until the first girl added: "You just have to get naked."

What is it about Bicker and eating club initiations that makes the pairing of these two sentences not contradictory? The problem is not necessarily the letting loose and celebrating the entry of new members into the club. The problem is the assumption that everyone celebrates in the same way, that everyone feels comfortable "getting naked," drinking or being placed in a sexually charged situation. The boundaries between what pushes the limit of the everyday and what is downright hurtful or frightening are different for each individual and can sometimes be crossed in the process of Bicker or eating club initiations.

But the real root of the problem with Bicker and initiations, the way I see it, is the surrounding cloud of misinformation and misconceptions. Most of the "information" available to sophomores takes the shape of highly personal experience, hearsay or rumor. These generalizations not only keep sophomores from being able to make educated choices about eating options; they also make students who feel uncomfortable with or alienated by the experience of Bicker or initiations feel isolated and alone in their discomfort, when in fact they are likely part of a sizable — but silent — group.

The best way to prevent this discomfort is to break the silence that hides it. I've talked to many RCAs in order to come up with advice for sophomores considering their eating options:

Research your options. Besides the five Bicker and five sign-in clubs, there are also two cooperatives, Brown and 2-Dickinson, where students take turns preparing meals, as well as the four-year residential colleges. Many students choose to go independent and avail themselves of the dormitory kitchens, and there's always food to be had at study breaks and events around campus. Sophomores should ask upperclassmen who have chosen different options about their experiences, as well as spend time at clubs for meals and during non-"Street" hours.

Think about your experience before it happens. It's easier to not do something you'd rather not do if you've already determined what your limits are. At both Bicker and initiations, club members will respect your decisions to participate in certain activities or not. Listen to your gut — if something feels wrong, then it probably is. It can help to know a sympathetic upperclassman in the club to whom you can turn for help or support. Club officers should also fill this role.

Realize that no decision on eating options is set in stone. Many students who aren't offered membership in their club of choice get in the next fall or join other clubs that they end up loving. Also, eating choices are not static. Students switch clubs, drop clubs to become independent or to join a coop, or join clubs as juniors or seniors. No decision is final.

An eating decision is an expanding, not a limiting factor. Making a different decision from your friends doesn't mean you won't see them. You can still spend time with your friends at other clubs or other places on campus, regardless of where you eat. Meal exchanges, passes and guests for formals increase the crossover. Plus, the great part of joining a club or a coop is that you make new friends and have a new place on campus where you feel at home.

Finally, the best way to reduce the fear and anxiety of the first week in February is to inform yourself. Hopefully these tips have helped. And if you have any more questions, just remember to ask. Emily Stolzenberg '07 is a German major from Morgantown, W. Va. She can be reached at estolzen@princeton.edu.