Dear Sexpert,
I'm gay, and want to come out to my roommate. I have come out to other people before, but I'm concerned about coming out to my roommate. How can I do so without ruining our friendship?
— Tired of the Closet
Dear TOTC,
No matter how many times you've done it before, coming out can be difficult. Congratulations on deciding to be open with your roommate. You should always feel free to be yourself and live honestly.
Before you and your roommate talk, make sure that you have a support system in place — someone to fall back on if you need to. Try talking to your RCA or a friend who you have already told you're gay. Let them know that you're planning to come out to your roommate.
When you talk to your roommate, find a time when you are both somewhat relaxed and in a good mood. Choose a place where you feel comfortable and can speak privately, as well as time when you can talk at length if you would both like to. The tap room of an eating club on a Thursday night is probably not the place!
Once you've got the atmosphere sorted out, let your roommate know that there is something you would like to share. You may want to rehearse beforehand, either with someone who already knows or in front of a mirror. Or you may just want to say whatever comes naturally. Keep it short and sweet and just say that you are gay and wanted them to know, or go into a longer story about coming to recognize and accept your sexual orientation. It's your decision, and you have to tell your story the way you see it.
After coming out, you should try to answer any questions that your roommate might have — but only share what you feel comfortable talking about. Your roommate might take the news well right off the bat, but could also need time to process the information. Give them space. Remember that regardless of your roommate's reaction, there will be many people in your life who will support you.
Coming out is tricky business, and you may need all the support you can get. Begin at the LGBT Center (Frist 246); the director, Debbie Bazarsky, has an open door policy and will speak confidentially. Also, try contacting an LGBT Peer Educator, a student who has undergone training to serve as a resource for anyone on campus. You can find their names and emails addresses, as well as other resources for LGBT students, on the LGBT Center website.
A couple of other resources that might be helpful to you as you come out are the Pride Alliance and the Support Group for LGBQ Students, a confidential group organized through University Health Services and led by Dr. Susan Packer.
Remember that you are doing a brave and courageous thing: seeking to find a life that you will find fulfilling. Good luck!
— The Sexpert
Dear Sexpert,
What is male birth control? When will it be available? How does it work?
— Anti-sperm
Dear Anti-sperm,
Throughout the history of sex, certain inventive couples have been trying to find ways to avoid pregnancy. These couples have cooked up a few male contraceptive "home remedies," most of which involve overheating the testicles. I probably don't need to say this, but no form of testicle warming is a good contraceptive choice simply because: first, the ideal temperature is hard to determine, and second, YOU COULD BURN YOUR BALLS. Seriously, this could make you sterile, so don't try it.
At this point, the three best male contraceptive methods are abstinence, a vasectomy (partial or total removal of the vas deferens, it is pretty much permanent; you don't want to mess around with this one) and our dear old friends, condoms.
Luckily, both hormonal and non-hormonal forms of male contraception are currently being developed, though they aren't yet approved for widespread human use. Like popular female contraceptives such as the pill, patch and shot, male hormonal contraception would make the body alter its attitude toward reproductive processes. One such program might work by applying hormones to stop sperm production. Non-hormonal treatments, on the other hand, would allow sperm generation, but would interfere with it at the molecular level so that all sperm produced would be infertile.
Except for vasectomy, all of these techniques will be reversible, and you will regain fertility when the treatment terminates.
Fear not, male contraceptive seekers. When the prescription varieties are approved there will be a lot of publicity, so you won't miss out. In the meantime, you can ask a health care professional for updates, as they will be among the first in the know.
— The Sexpert
"Sexpert" is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions, to be published anonymously every Thursday, to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!
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