Scott, Chaney worth watching

Even as the numbers on the Jadwin Gym scoreboard increased at a snail's pace last night, there were plenty of fireworks to be enjoyed — thanks to the two men holding court on the sidelines.

For much of the night, in fact, watching men's basketball head coach Joe Scott '87 and Temple head coach John Chaney may have been more interesting than watching the game.

One is a spry 40-year-old, the other a creaky 73-year-old. One never sits, the other never stands. One dresses in sharply tailored suits, the other unbuttons his collar and rolls up his shirtsleeves before the game even starts.

But for all their differences, both have plenty in common: a love for matchup-zone defenses, an emphasis on patience, a dislike of turnovers and a coaching style that is unquestionably old-school.

They're both intense. They're both stubborn. They're both teachers, first and foremost.

And they both know how to put on a show. Start with the yelling. They both do it, loudly and frequently. With the noise of the crowd in the background, it's hard to make out exactly what they're saying — a raspy yelp here, a pleading screech there.

But the hooting and hollering are just the beginning of the histrionics. They clapped and stomped, wrung their hands and held their heads in their hands. Sometimes they looked like they wanted to strangle a referee; sometimes they looked like they wanted to strangle themselves.

Chaney ran through the gauntlet of emotions from the comfort of his chair, always leaning forward, elbows on his knees. He may not be as mobile as he once was, but there's still no question who's in charge.

At the other end of the court, Scott roamed the sidelines like a hyperactive eight-year-old, his stance shifting with the game. When the Tigers had the ball on offense, he often crouched like a catcher, pleading for good ball movement. When his team was on defense, he assumed a defensive stance himself — leaning slightly forward, hands out, looking ready to steal the ball. The only time Scott stood still was when he turned his back to the action, unable to watch as one of his players shot a free throw.

With entertainment like this, who needs the basketball game?

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All those antics were, in truth, only the opening act for the real show: the John Chaney post-game press conference comedy tour.

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First, some background: in 1994, Chaney burst into the post-game press conference of then-Massachusetts head coach John Calipari — and threatened to kill him.

Chaney didn't make any death threats Tuesday, but he did make sure the assembled media members left with a good laugh. In between riffs on Wilt Chamberlin's high school career, "Petey" [legendary men's basketball coach Pete Carril] and Bill Bradley '65, Chaney delivered enough jokes to fill a stand-up routine. A sampling of his humor — which, to say the least, wasn't exactly politically correct ...

On his team's lack of rebounding: "They're like puppies who don't want to bite. I put them [Temple's big men] on the floor to fool people. I need to get them some pompoms so they can cheer."

On star forward Mardy Collins pressing in an attempt to live up to preseason All-America hype: "It's like if you pay attention to a woman, she'll put on rouge, lipstick and a corset, trying to look prettier."

On pulling one of his players after a failed dunk attempt: "You don't try to dunk the ball and make a jackass out of yourself. A clown can make people laugh, but he can't lead."

And, finally, on whether he'll be bringing his team back to Princeton anytime soon (Chaney refused to schedule the Tigers for many years before agreeing to a home-and-home series for last season and this season): "I'm not going back. I got away like a turkey through the corn."

Like I said: who needs the basketball?