Operation Enduring Employment

Somewhere around the 13th interview, I lost track of my schedule. Sandwiched between UBS and CSNY was something called "GWB." I stuck out my hand:

"Good morning. Powell Fraser, damn glad to meet you."

"Hiya, Powelly. My name is George, but my friends call me Dubya."

I did a double-take, wondering if I had stepped into a Freddie LaFemina column. The basement of the Office of Career Services, which is a strange hybrid of Shawshank Prison and the catacombs of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, was the last place I expected to run into The Greatest President Ever. But there he was, beckoning me into the room.

I had been mired in this Operation Enduring Employment for weeks, eschewing suds for Superdays so often that my insurgency in the War on Fun was practically in its last throes. Meanwhile, I had been having more luck getting a beer at Ivy than getting a job on Wall Street. Then again, my month was still going better than his.

"So, Mr. Thurston Powell III, tell me why you should be the next Chairman of the Federal Reserve," he queried. I suddenly realized that submitting my résumé to every single job might have been overkill. I glanced out in the hall to see Ben Bernanke and Paul Krugman waiting nervously, poring over the Wall Street Journal. And then, noticing the beads of sweat on Krugman's forehead, which can usually only be produced by a short flight of stairs, I began to regain my confidence.

"Well, Mr. President, I have excellent qualifications. As you can see from my résumé, I will be earning a degree in politics and a certificate in finance. And that's what being Fed chairman is really all about — politics and finance. Plus, I've taken a course in Money and Banking, which I attended occasionally, and I can usually remember my PIN number at the ATM machine. And no, it's not 1-2-3-4."

The President began to change the combination lock on his briefcase, but I could tell my academic credentials were of no interest to him. Maybe my conservatism would appeal to him.

"In the campus press I've been called a 'hater' and an 'a**hole' who wants to 'make old ladies on Medicare cry.' I have the fashion sense of Tucker Carlson and the crotchetiness of Bob Novak, and I get more ladies than Bill O'Reilly. One time, I went head-to-head with Al Franken on his show and destroyed him," I offered.

"No, actually, he owned you. But that's OK, debating is ... hard work," the President replied gruffly. Then I suddenly remembered I had the perfect story for this party-hearty Yalie:

"Last year I set up a fractional reserve requirement system to ensure that we never ran out of beer in my suite. I also served as a lender of last resort when other parties ran out of booze. I was able to control the level of drunkenness in my building by adjusting the overnight case-lending rate. The answer is always on the supply side."

The President grinned approvingly. "Can you name your three biggest idols for me?"

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"Mr. President, like my idols, I understand the importance of loyalty, even in the face of poor qualifications. I look up to Paul Bremer, Michael Brown and Harriet Miers."

"OK, now for a technical question. If the current four year spot rate is 4 percent, and the five year rate is 5 percent, can you tell me the forward rate in year four?"

I was paralyzed. Like the French, I had to surrender. "No, Mr. President, I'm afraid I can't."

"Heck, neither can I. So much for Harvard Business School, eh Preston? Well, listen, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'll get back to you in the next few days."

True to his word, the President called back the next day, but he did not have good news.

"Powelly, it was great talking with you," Bush said. "Unfortunately, due to the large number of qualified applicants, we are unable to offer you the chair of the Federal Reserve at this time. You'll be happy to know, though, that Krugman didn't get it either."

"Thanks, Mr. President. Let me know if you have any other openings."

"Well, it's funny you should mention that. Have you ever thought about working for the Vice President?" Powell Fraser is a politics major from Atlanta, Ga. He can be reached at pfraser@princeton.edu.