So you want to advise the freshmen

After two years of reading and writing Daily Princetonian opinion columns, one begins to anticipate when certain topics will appear in print. Over the next week or so, this page will feature many missives to incoming freshmen in which upperclassmen seek to pass on their hard-earned knowledge. Though these sages have certainly amassed a wealth of information during their years here, their attempts to communicate this wisdom may only be another wave in the deluge that threatens to drown incoming students. In order to help those kind souls who would share the fruits of their Princeton experience with others, I'd like to offer some advice to advisers.

My instructions are simple: Remove yourself as much as possible from the frame of reference. Freshmen turn to older students as a source of facts or helpful hints, as a gauge of what's typical or acceptable here. Moreover, since every student's experience is unique, any given upperclassman's recollections may not reflect the norm. Because of this, advice to freshmen must be as objective, impartial and nonjudgmental as possible.

In this vein, it's fair to share which classes are stellar and which only so-so, which professors are friendly and what resources are available on campus. It's not fair to consult your own prejudices in pushing freshmen toward, or discouraging them from, certain affiliations, be they extracurricular activities, sports teams, eating clubs or fraternities and sororities. Even sentiments of "I wish I knew then what I know now" can be less than instructive when too colored by your own past or personal preferences.

The best way to prevent such flights of excessive nostalgia is to separate your own experience from that of the student you're attempting to counsel. It's hard not to see in each newly arrived frosh an opportunity to relive or rewrite your own Princeton "career." This temptation is to be resisted, however, for two reasons. Such an outlook not only shortchanges freshmen, it also prevents upperclassmen from realizing that they still have the ability to alter their own situations. To be so focused on one's own regrets is a shame when there's still so much time left at Princeton to enjoy. Freshmen are not the only ones who can try something new, even reinvent themselves.

When upperclassmen examine why they advise freshmen as they do, they may realize that they themselves could profit from their own advice. Sophomores, juniors and even seniors can still choose to start fresh. The best remedy for boredom or dissatisfaction is not to steer others away from the decisions you made, but to explore new options yourself. Because the university experience is a continual process of growth, it's natural that, in hindsight, some previous choices may not seem ideal now. Though you may regret not joining an athletic team, taking a tough course or auditioning for a group, look forward and not back. It's never too late for change.

So, upperclassmen — mentor a freshman by all means, if he or she will let you. Just don't do it as a substitute for whatever it is that you always wanted to do if you only had the guts. When you counsel freshmen, offer them information rather than opinion, suggestions rather than orders, a ready listener rather than a stern judge. A word of wisdom to those who would advise others: If you don't take your own advice, it may not be worth dispensing at all. Emily Stolzenberg is a German major from Morgantown, W. Va. She can be reached at estolzen@princeton.edu.