'Street' on the Street

Wasted. Crunked. Hammered. Shittarded.

The above adjectives often describe the desired state of many a Princeton undergrad on a Thursday or Saturday (or Tuesday or Wednesday...) night. There's nothing like a night of imbibing to cool your nerves after a week of precepts and Firestone at this elite institution. Sometimes, you just need a cold one.

And while many respect such late-night revelry, few pay true homage to the means to our end, the ubiquitous college drink of choice: beer.

True, hard liquor plays a role on campus. In the words of one freshman who asked to remain anonymous, "everything at Princeton is pregamed ... except maybe precept." But the dedicated Street-goer always turns to the layman's drink, the cold brew.

Such status and presence begs a closer look: what makes a beer good? Where's the best place to get a beer on campus? What do our professors have to say about beer? And why oh why, of all things, Beast?

Without further ado, I turn my attention to those almighty havens of weekend escape and brew consumption: the eating club taprooms.

Best Taproom

Terrace F. Club: Terrace makes its way to the top not because of spaciousness or quality beer, but because it has the only taproom with true character. Where else can you smoke half a pack without paying a penny? Where else can you dance under red lights and a naked mannequin with music that's — gasp! — pretty damn good. The club is also a late night savior: if you're drooling for a Beast at 4:30 a.m., Terrace has your back. You can get a beer at any club, but those in want of ambiance ditch Prospect and head to Washington. Rating: 9.6 Honorable Mentions

Ivy: Where's the taproom? You're standing in it. In a spectacular show of dedication to weekend bacchanalia, Ivy placed their taproom in the middle of the party scene. No crawling into dark basements or wading through the humid masses for the sweet amber release. Just beer, and fast. Rating: 8.9

Charter: Anyone burdened with the dreaded five-day class schedule can appreciate Charter's status as a Friday night stronghold. In the taproom, the music's in the hands of the people and the size allows for an ample flock of Robo and Rut tables. And you thought engineers couldn't drink. Rating: 8.0 Middle of the Road

Quad: While the music might be enough to make you gag, Quad at least offers Stella Artois to cleanse 50 Cent and Britney Spears from your palette. Date not going so well? Head to Quad and get the girl some cider. The taste may not be enough for her to forgive that dinnertime soup-spilling incident, but after a few cups of this sweet concoction it's unlikely she'll remember the soup. Though a bit sterile, the taproom itself at least makes a stab at a collegiate feel. Bonus points for the army of Beirut tables. Rating: 6.8

TI: The late night scene is intense, and trying to get a beer midway through a Saturday night is like Newman's Day — exhausting, messy and likely to end in failure. Those on tap duty are usually too busy playing Robo or flexing their muscles to get you a beer, and your shirt is bound to absorb at least half a pitcher in the attempt. And while the oft-instituted "chug one to get one" policy has surely put more than a few in McCosh for the night, TI demands respect for its unfaltering dedication to the Animal House ethos. Rating: 6.6

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Tower: The dedicated beer drinker will find a pleasant surprise: Guinness from the tap — but it's for members only. Tower definitely deserves respect for the taproom dance floor and the unique setup, but in the end, you're better off sticking to Tower for meals, not weekend revelry. Rating: 6.0

Cap: The taproom's music is blandly appropriate for any college campus, and the mood is generally rather dry. But Cap sacrifices valuable floor space for a Beirut table — a laudable move. In short: grab your beer and move upstairs, where things are bound to be much more alive. Rating: 5.2

Campus: There's an eating club called Campus? Well, at least they're trying. Rating: 5.1 Not So Honorable Mentions

Cloister: You arrive in Cloister's taproom after slipping and falling down a flight of stairs. Luckily the size — or lack thereof — of the room forced a horde of people into your path, and you stand up unscathed. Arriving at the tap, you're greeted by bartenders watching Skinemax on T.V. You turn around, and through the cluster of twenty or so people packed into this prison cell, you see but two lonely Robo tables. Sigh.

All in all, an interesting adventure, but not one of which I'd want to make a habit. Rating: 3.9

Cottage: I've left each of my few forays into the Cottage taproom feeling like a depressed 26-year-old emerging from his parents' basement. Get some lights for Christ's sake! And no, coral and teal polo shirts do not brighten the mood. You weren't cool in high school, and asking people for passes isn't going to change that. We still love you though ... in an awkward, redheaded stepchild kind of way. Rating: 1.8 Worst Taproom

Colonial: Sterile. Soulless. Eye-achingly blue. Plain yogurt, anyone? Rating: 1.3