A call to arms: Ask her out to Starbucks

The 'Prince's' first column about sex and relationships. Hmm. Well, here I go, addressing a common gripe of Princeton girls and an oft-discussed phenomenon that prevails on college campuses across the country just in time to remedy it for Valentine's Day!

Freshman year, I wrote an article for the 'Prince' titled, "Fling or Forever," about relationships at Princeton (of which, at the time, I knew next to nothing). All my interviewees agreed on one thing: people at Princeton don't date. At the time, I thought this was one of the silliest complaints I had ever heard. If you don't think there is enough dating, then for God's sake ask someone out.

So for this column, I talked with one of my junior girlfriends, whom I will call Jane (to preserve her anonymity, so boys will still flirt with her after this column is printed), on her desire for dates. First, I wondered, should the guy always do the asking? 2004 is a leap year, after all. In the nineteenth century, a leap year was ladies' one opportunity to ask their gentlemen loves to marry them. And that's marriage, a far cry from a measly trip to Starbucks. Still, we cherish tradition here at Princeton. My bashful friend's reply: "We want some chivalry; hell yes!" Another junior friend, "Joe," agreed, saying that he thought most guys prefer to do the asking. Otherwise, the thrill of the chase dissipates. "Matt," a sophomore in a longterm relationship, qualified this view and explained that if an older girl is interested in a younger guy, particularly a freshman, she should offer more encouragement and be more aggressive in her pursuit because only the most confident freshmen expect older girls to be interested.

"Joe" remarked that his friends attach different degrees of seriousness to a date. Some of the guys in his fraternity, he explained, will casually ask a girl out for coffee or ice cream, while others sweat for days wondering if they're at that point yet. He also points out that although Princeton students blame the Street for an atmosphere uncondusive to dating, it has many advantages in terms of a low-risk way to establish interest. For instance, rejection can be more subtly conducted, and it's easier to save face afterwards; if things aren't going well, there are always other eligible candidates, not to mention friends to act as a buffer or refuge, or to give play-byplay advice ("He said he's getting me a beer. Is that sweet or does it mean he wants to escape?"—"She said she's going to the bathroom. She must be talking about me with her friends, right?"). The night is already planned out, there will be drinks and, with any luck, dancing. No need to spend money or worry about the choice of venue.

For those who do not go out to the Street, extracurriculars and classes are one way to meet people, and there is always the study-date for the sober and rejection-phobic among us. However, the effort of a date is what makes it cute; the Street or your a cappella group is a great place to meet someone, but it does not replace the romance of a Nassau Street rendezvous.

What if you get asked out by a guy you're not interested in? Not necessarily The Beady-eyed Stalker or The Sweaty Drunken Buffoon from Saturday night, but a pleasant boy, only marginally "sketchy," who is fun to flirt with once in awhile, but is not on your Top Ten Datable Guys list (c'mon, you know you make lists like that). "Jane" explains that she would go anyway "just for the experience." I, on the other hand, favor the skittish maybe-sometime-but-not-now route. "Jane" goes on to say she "doesn't like restaurants" and would prefer "a picnic or a walk." I love picnics on icy tundras, too—nothing like frostbite to make a girl want to cuddle. Anyways, while "Jane" enjoys freezing sojourns with a guy she's not into, most girls do like cozy restaurants with a boy in whom they've exhibited at least some interest.

I think girls' main problem this time of year is what V-Day present to get their best guy, and I have not figured that one out, so I will conclude with some Basic Love Tips for Guys, in honor of Valentine's Day: 1) Walk her home if it is nighttime. The farther away from her dorm you live, the more props you get. 2) If you are an underclassman, wear a collared shirt when you go out. Just do it. 3) You can't go wrong with roses. Especially red. 4) Ask girls out. It'll be fun, really.