Excessive apologizers should give others a stab at 'I'm sorry'

I am sick and tired of constantly apologizing; I can not stand my penitent demeanor which always puts me in the wrong and everyone else in the right. It's time for a change.

Each day I mutter "I'm sorry" an inordinate number of times to friends, professors, and strangers even when I am clearly not the one at fault. I gasp out an apology for arriving late to class early in the morning. At computer clusters, I apologize to strangers in advance for my long printing jobs and then quickly avert my eyes in a truly contrite manner. In the middle of conversations with friends, I suddenly stop and exclaim, "I'm so sorry I keep on talking. What do you think about the situation?" even though they initially asked me about my thoughts concerning the situation. I even apologize to people who've stepped on my toe or accidentally backed into me. The words "I'm sorry" slip out of my mouth before I even have time to realize that I'm not at fault.

In Pardon me for Breathing: Seven Types of Apology, authors Daniela Kramer-Moore and Michael Moore classify human apologizes into seven different categories: "I'm sorry for having stepped on your toe", "Sorry for interrupting", "I'm sorry you're sick (or have lost your job, or did not hit the jackpot)", "Excuse me?", "Sorry if I've hurt you", "Excuse me! (ironic, with two exaggerated stresses)", and "Excuse me? (exaggeratedly incredulous)". The last three types of apologies are insincere attempts at reconciliation, but the rest are sincere endeavors to better the situation even if you have no moral obligation to do so. The most relevant apology, "I'm sorry you're sick..." is performed mainly to show that you empathize with another person even though you are not responsible for the situation.

Now, a good number of my apologies are required and even necessary to show that I am not some sort of unfeeling, cold-hearted brute that runs over little children without stopping. My instinct tells me that friends will no longer be friends if I continually spill chocolate milk all over their freshly swept floor and favorite shoes without expressing the proper amount of remorse. But a fair number of my apologies are extraneous and utterly ridiculous. For instance, why would anyone sane ever consider freely apologizing for something that is entirely not their fault and even produces injury upon them? Yet, I do this. When someone takes a heavy step backwards and crushes my toes, he will usually gasp, "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there! Are you alright?"

Grimacing in pain, I will play the role of a stoic and coolly mutter through clenched teeth, "I'm fine, thanks."

And then without much thought, I will tack on, "Besides, it was my fault. I'm sorry."

Trusting that I will soon regain full use of my motor skills, the toe crusher will then leave while I remain unmoving, waiting for the numbness to wear off and feeling utterly foolish, having just taken full responsibility of someone else's blatant error and suffered the full effects. Although people have sacraificed self for the sake of others throughout history, they usually earn the title of martyr and end up being canonized by the Catholic Church. Yet to this day, the Catholic Church has not yet declared me a saint, and I don't believe they have any impending plans to ever do so.

Nowhere in their essay do Kramer-Moore and Moore describe this eighth kind of apology where a person apologizes for no apparent or hidden reason. Perhaps this signals the fact that such apologies are useless, and only eccentrics utilize them.

I am not, however, the only crazy in the world who employs such apologies. I've noticed that other people around me, females especially, will apologize for actions not of their own doing, and then get promptly yelled at for being overly apologetic. And true to the nature of excessive apologists, the apologists will automatically begin to apologize for their apologies.

I think it's time for a change. Excessive apologizers need not apologize any longer. Let the wrongdoers squeeze in an "I'm sorry!" once in a while and express true remorse for their own faults. It will do them good to accept the responsibilities of their own actions, and it will benefit us as well.

In fact, from now on, I refuse to apologize. I will take a stand with what I say and write, and never back down. But I'll do that only after I've asked you about your views concerning the situation . . . which I haven't done once in this entire piece . . . sorry.

Anna Huang is a freshman from Westlake, Ohio.