Recruiting insanity

They're here. I can see them. I can smell them. They're in my inbox. They're in my mailbox. They're on my voicemail. They're outside my door. They're on campus, and they smell blood. No, they aren't those strange community people who audit classes at Princeton. They're the investment banks, the consulting firms: McKinsey, Goldman Sachs, Bain and Company, Merril Lynch, the U-Store, and all the rest.

It's October, and it's hunting season. The mating call has been sent out, and all the job-seeking Princetonians are running around campus, trying to be captured by one of these companies. Resumes are being condensed from four pages to two sentences. Suits are being tailor-made. New personalities and laughs are being invented. Eyebrows are being trimmed. Names are being de-foreignized.

Only the fortunate will be lucky enough to be enslaved, working 150 hours a week, earning, however, the equivalent of the GDPs of small countries people haven't heard of. It really is a cruel trick, as many will not make it past the door, mind the first interview. Entice naïve Princeton seniors with six figures, and beautiful recruiters at career fairs. Then let them parade around campus in suits, allowing them become known to their peers, only to let them wallow in their rejection and end up working for Project 55 or Teach for America.

Ask one of these budding corporate superstars what it means to "consult" and see what the answer is. I just don't remember taking a course in management consulting, do you? Hundreds of Princeton students will interview for investment banking jobs, without knowing what investment banking even is. Perhaps it's the 'bling bling' lifestyle, that serves as the light at the end of the tunnel that draws these students to jobs they didn't really know about senior year in high school. Perhaps it's the renewed sense of rivalry and competition that has been deferred for four years that Princeton students crave. Perhaps students need that fix which we have long been awaiting, of being a winner, and besting your classmate.

Still, despite the stalking, midnight phone calls, and interesting toys at the career fair, certain students look for an alternate path, which generally turns out to be the LSAT.

There's an alphabet soup of options for those wanting to delay starting a career: GRE, MCAT, GMAT, CDAT, UFAT, etc. Whatever you want, it's out there. And to feed your frenzied desire for more education, there's a fellowship. Oh, there are fellowships for just about everything. If education isn't for you, apply for one of the fellowships to fund a 'special project', or 'independent work' — i.e. sitting around and working little, but in a foreign country. Yet, many Princeton students still feel left out with such limited options, as traditional career options seem a thing of the past. What ever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV.

Despite Career Services' intent to serve us our notice of doom in mid-October, I want to inform you that there is still time. There are still eight months to go in the school year; many people could be fathers and mothers by the time they start their first job. Many life changes could take place between now and then. Who knows how many more countries will be invaded and what new 'opportunities' will emerge. Even the presidency will be available if you wait long enough.

So if you're still wandering around aimlessly with no career direction, and somebody asks what you're doing after graduation confidently give them a nice Pierre Trudeau salute. If you're still really nervous about next year, careernews just sent out an announcement: Burger King on Nassau will be starting its first round interviews tomorrow.