America, from the eyes of a foreigner

In "The Movie in My Mind" from Ms. Saigon, a woman sings about wanting desperately to come to America to live the life she only sees in her mind.

That would best describe my year here — a movie, a fantasy of nine months, to be soon broken by the reality of home on August 10. Between today and then I will have walked on three different continents, lived in three different countries and have my life changed — again.

It began with my arrival fresh off an island, and draws to a close with my bags packed to embark on an international adventure. And now I provide what I've discovered about this country — an outsider's perspective on life in the good old U. S. of A.

Realization one: I'm not an American. An obvious statement, but I've never been so aware of who I am, where I'm from, or what my ethnic heritage is, until I had set foot on this campus. I'm a Jamaican, and the majority of students on this campus are white middle-class suburban teenagers. And they're Americans. Have you ever been to a foreign country and felt like everyone knows something — maybe they speak the same language, laugh at an inside joke? It separates you. At times, I've felt the same here.

Whether it's because Jamaica is a less wealthy country, or the culture is more laid back, or because we're a third world island — whatever it is, it has become a part of me. But it is not a part of this country. There's a bond between Americans that most Americans fail to recognize. A shared past. A shared future. A sense of America.

No one provided a rulebook as to how it works. I was just thrown in the mix and expected to learn it. The biggest obstacle I've had to overcome is being unaware of what the rules of American culture are. And one of the facts I've had to accept was that no matter how long I live here, I will always be an outsider peeking through the window.

Realization two: The weather sucks. There's no other word to describe it. It's cold in the morning, humid in the afternoon, raining at night, snowing the next day. I'll take the unchanging island weather over this any day of the year.

Realization three: Wealth is tremendous here. Access to anything you can possibly want. I walked into Wegman's to see a third worlder's dream — shelves upon shelves of inexpensive dreams. Whatever you want in this country, you can get it. I went home for Christmas and everybody wanted me to bring them something back from America — the Holy Land, the Garden of Eden.

What took me aback was the lack of awareness of this gift. Understandably, Americans take what they have for granted. It's a gift for being the wealthiest country in the world. The ability to walk into a supermarket and get whatever you want. Ninety percent of this world will never be able to do that — and they would sell their souls to have that chance.

Realization four: I'm a late person in an early world. I don't like being in a hurry. I like strolling to class. I like stopping and talking to friends. There's an attachment to time here which frankly I find bizarre.

Is the watch a permanent attachment to the hand? Would Princeton collapse if the Blair Arch clock stopped ringing? Can you imagine what would happen in McCosh 50 if my professor said he wouldn't end after fifty minutes, but whenever the Spirit moved him?

Realization five: I did think America was the Garden of Eden. It took almost everything I have in me to get rid of that belief. I thought I knew the perfect person. She has an ideal figure, wonderful friends, amazing personality. But then I found out she has an eating disorder.

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The gregarious football player is insecure, the perky cheerleader was an abused child. Everyone has a story — maybe not that extreme — but another side to the face they show the world. I sincerely believed Americans lived elaborate lives of perfection, because they look faultless.

But they aren't. Life isn't perfect here, anymore than anywhere else. This movie that I've lived over the last nine months has taught me more about reality than most of my life has. And next September 10, it all starts again.

Michelle Sharpe '04 is from Jamaica. 'A Glimpse Within' is a weekly column in which we ask members of the Princeton community to share personal experiences. The 'Prince' welcomes submissions of about 650 words to The Newsroom.