Now I have not succumbed to the Instant Messenger craze, but many of my friends leave their IM accounts on all day. Because the average college student is constantly missing in action, the 'away message' has become an indispensable asset for the IM-inclined.
I would like to suggest that the away message is no longer just a concise way to inform others that one is unavailable but rather a precise and delicate art form. For example, Cheetara decides to go to Frist for some late dinner. She could simply take the direct route to explain her absence: "At Frist. Be back soon." Instead, she opts for the more interesting: "Gone to Mongolia. Be back after world hunger is eliminated."
After speaking with some IM experts, I discovered that the instant message could be broken down into various categories.
For those of us who enjoy the wise and salient words of 'Verbatim,' there is the my-friend-just-said-something-that-sounds-ridiculous-out-of-context away message: "Would you kindly refrain from swallowing my goldfish?"
Falling into the Princeton-social-scene-category, there are the prepping-for-a-night-at-the-'Street' away messages. In a fit of frenzy, one might select: "It's humid, and my hair is frizzing!"
An impatient friend of that frenzied twenty-something might choose: "Will someone tell me why certain individuals spend so long primping to go and sweat a river in three feet of 'Beast'?"
To do full justice to those less-than-entertaining Thursday nights, there is the perennial favorite it's-12-a.m.-and-I-am-bitter-because-I-have-a-presentation-to-give-plus-two-problem-sets-and-a-weekly-response-due-tomorrow-morning variation. That same happy student just loves seeing this familiar type of away message appear when a buddy who has been 'idle' for seven hours finally returns to the land of the active: "No needd fr slepp. Sleeep is fr th week."
As we are quickly approaching Reading Period, an influx of Dean's Date away messages will soon hit: "Woohoo! 36 pages down, and only 43 more to go!" Of course, one cannot forget the influence of final exams: "Will someone come find me NOW and save me from C-floor before my brain combusts? Please? Anyone? Anyone?" For the health unconscious, there is the gorging-on-junk-food-to-dull-the-pain-while-studying away message: "I have already consumed enough Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and York Peppermint Patties to feed a small country, and did I mention my new best friends, Ben and Jerry?"
Also of note is the philosophically enlightening away message, which can take a few different forms. It may be culled from a common room dry-erase board: "If I could be any kind of food, I would be a sweet potato." It may be uttered in the wee hours of the morning: "Without black coffee, this world would be a bitter place . . . oh wait, black coffee is bitter. How ironic." And finally, it may pop up unexpectedly when a cruel force rips away the most beloved of 'Wa items and attention must be paid: "Losing the 'Wa Boli is like losing a small piece of oneself."
So, as you finish up the spring semester and find yourself on Instant Messenger, think of that away message as not just a statement of basic fact but as an expression of your own creative genius. Cross those categorical boundaries and make new ones that suit your individual needs.
Auto response from [insert middle school nickname followed by randomly assigned number here]: "It's humid out, and my Reeses are melting, so would you kindly refrain from swallowing my goldfish while I am away from my computer?"
Let that inner procrastinator, just screaming for liberation, out to play. Oh, and if you need to reach me, you may still want to try e-mail instead.
(Marnie Podos is an English major from Tenafly, NJ. She can be reached at mpodos@Princeton.edu)
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