Overlooked for Princeton post, Clinton expresses fury, disappointment

WASHINGTON — While the news of Hal Shapiro's twin brother's selection as Princeton's next President was met with a wide range of reactions from around campus, the emotions emanating from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. were of a decidedly singular nature — rage.

William Jefferson Clinton, the 42nd president of the United States, expressed furor over the University's decision. Clinton, who will leave office tomorrow, had hoped to head into the academic world in the near future, and Princeton's vacant presidency had been deemed an acceptable fit by the nation's chief executive.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that opening," Clinton said. "Princeton is easily the top institution of higher learning in the country, and to lead it into the 21st century would have been a tremendous challenge."

The true cause of Clinton's disappointment, however, stems from what he perceives as a betrayal on the part of the Princeton media — most notably, The Daily Princetonian newspaper.

"The fix was in," Clinton said. "I was supposed to come up and speak, then my close personal friends at the 'Prince' were supposed to publish a column written by a graduate student recommending me as the next school president. From there, everything was supposed to fall into place."

Clinton admitted later that he had planned to keep his collusive relationship with the newspaper secret, but after The Wall Street Journal, with the help of Princeton Professor of Jurisprudence Robert George, exposed the campus newspaper's plan, he felt no need to remain silent.

Mea culpa

"Indeed I did have a relationship with The Daily Princetonian that was not appropriate," Clinton said, elaborating on the large-scale scheme he had concocted with 'Prince' Editor-In-Chief Richard Just '01. "I misled people — including my wife.

"I allowed citizens to believe that this was just another baseless attack by the right-wingers over at The Wall Street Journal," he continued. "But don't be fooled by the fact that they didn't contact anyone at the 'Prince' to hear the other side of the story. The Journal had it right on."

University history professor Sean Wilentz, who agreed to be interviewed for this article on the condition that there be at least a three-paragraph "buffer zone" between his quotes and those of George, expressed similar sentiments.

"In general, Republicans are just a bunch of rogues and fanatics," history professor Sean Wilentz said. "But they were right about this one."

Bedfellows

Still, if Wilentz and the 'Prince' figure to have some explaining to do following this ordeal, joyous campus Republicans have been seen rejoicing with an even greater ardor than on Election Day.

And it is George, of course, who has experienced the greatest vindication.

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"I have to admit, this is pretty much the pinnacle," he said. "I mean, becoming one of the most well-respected and well-liked professors at one of the top universities in the country has been nice, but it's nothing compared to blowing the roof off the 'Prince'-Clinton conspiracy.

"And I couldn't have done it without The Wall Street Journal," George continued. "Taking Richard Just's letter to the editor, eliminating most of it, then printing only the parts about Wilentz — that was over the line. But the rest was pure genius."

"By the way," George continued. "The Tory is the campus' leading conservative magazine — available for free in recycling bins everywhere. I highly recommend it."

George then abruptly ended the interview, saying that he had entered into a contract to meet one of his fellow faculty members for lunch at 1:15 p.m. and did not want to be late. Credit card receipts from the meal will be made available to the public upon request.