You've already heard more numbers than you'd ever hoped to.
Bush leads by X votes, but there are X that haven't been counted yet, according to Gore. All the while, there are X hours left until Inauguration Day, X minutes until the Electors meet, with X percent of the country supporting Gore's legal challenges and the other X percent wanting to cut it all off.
The numbers have become a blur, to the point where most of us can't mentally process them anymore.
And so we turn to the serenity of college athletics. If one is willing to ignore Division I football's B(C)S formula — apparently invented to ensure that Florida State's losses will always count less than those of other teams — sports rarely experiences any numerical ambiguity.
When a goal is scored, it goes on the scoreboard or is disallowed immediately thereafter. And not even Paul Begala or Ollie North can put a positive spin on a player's .183 batting average once it appears in the next day's paper.
So, as a much-needed break from this election madness, here is a look at the athletic climate at Princeton — and around the Ivy League — by the numbers. We'll go from 0 to 25, in honor of Florida's 25 disputed electoral votes. No whining about fuzzy math allowed.
0: The number of Ivy League football teams participating in the Division I-AA football playoffs this year. Yes, the controversy continues as the league champion stays home once again due to Ivy rules. But there's no need to make a federal case out of it, because, well . . .
1: The number of extra games this year's Ivy football champion, Penn, would have played had it been allowed to advance to the I-AA playoffs. No, the Ancient Eight was not about to produce a national champion this year, so while the playoff debate rages within the league, the rest of the country isn't exactly waiting with bated breath for the Ivies' involvement.
2: The number of legitimate No. 1s the Princeton men's squash team has this year, with David Yik and Will Evans leading the charge.
3: The number of consecutive individual national championships Princeton women's squash's Julia Beaver hopes to have won by the time this season concludes. There's no doubt about who's No. 1 for the Tiger women.
4: The number of consecutive games the Princeton men's basketball team has lost — all by at least 11 points — dating back to the end of last season. Until this stretch, the Tigers had not lost four straight games by double digits since the 1952-53 season.
5: The number of games, out of nine, won by the Penn women's squash team in a recent match against Cornell. The defending national champion Quakers figured to be challenged by Harvard and Princeton this year, but if this result is any indication, that race could be even more wide open than expected.
6: The number of Ivy wins — in 26 games — by the league's eight men's basketball teams going into last night's action.
7: The number of ECAC men's hockey teams receiving votes in the most recent USCHO.com poll. The makeup of these teams is as impressive as the quantity, with perennial doormat Union joining Vermont near the top of the league standings.
8: The number of games you can expect the Penn men's basketball team to have lost this year before picking up its first win. After an inexplicable loss Tuesday to Davidson, the Quakers are 0-3 heading into a stretch in which they will face Penn State, La Salle, Maryland, Seton Hall and Temple. Depleted Princeton would still love to have Penn's problems right now, but no, you shouldn't write off the Tigers' Ivy hopes just yet. Not by a long shot.
9: The total number of non-seniors Princeton fencing placed on the men's and women's All-Ivy teams last season. The Tigers look well-stocked for their effort to repeat their twin league titles of last year.
10: The number of points by which Brown men's basketball outscored No. 16 Connecticut in the second half of the Bears' respectable 88-78 loss Tuesday. This may have been the best result so far for any Ivy team in men's hoops.
11: The number of years since Harvard won the national championship in men's hockey — the Crimson are the most recent ECAC team to do so. Don't expect that streak to end this year, either, no matter how many teams might be receiving votes in the national poll.
12: The number of wins this past season for Harvard's women's soccer team, which shocked Hartford, 3-0, en route to the NCAA quarterfinals.
13: The number of wins so far this season for Brown's men's soccer team, still alive and one win from a stunning NCAA final four appearance.
14: The number of years since Princeton's last Ivy title in wrestling. The Tigers have put together some encouraging performances early this year, however, and could end up being one of Princeton's best stories of the winter season.
15: The number of points tallied by Princeton women's volleyball in its 15-5, 15-5, 15-5 loss to BYU in last year's NCAA tournament. The Tigers head back to the tourney this weekend to face 28-0 Nebraska and will look to pull one of the most stunning upsets in the history of Princeton athletics — or at least eclipse last year's point total. It won't be easy.
16: The seed for the Ivy men's basketball champion in the NCAA tournament if things don't improve soon.
17: The number of field goals made, in 49 attempts, for Bill Carmody's Northwestern Wildcats against Clemson on Tuesday. Carmody's crew is trying its best to execute the Princeton offense, but it can't find the mark from outside.
18: The number of assists for Princeton's men's basketball team — on 20 field goals — against Monmouth last weekend. Offensive efficiency hasn't been a problem so far for the Tigers. Rebounding and turnovers have.
19: The number of EIWA individual champions the Penn wrestling program has produced since 1996. It's time to dispel the myth that the Quakers are only competitive in revenue-producing sports.
20: The number of seconds it will probably take Tiger coach Bill Tierney to figure out a way to circumvent the NCAA's shot clock when it is instituted in men's lacrosse in 2002. Here's a thought: Have someone stand behind the net near the end line while a teammate shoots high over the goal. Out of bounds to the offense, and the shot clock resets.
The shot clock might actually benefit Princeton, since it will lead to the types of rushed shots and turnovers by the opposition that the Tigers feast on annually. It will probably have no effect at all, however. Chalk this one up as the early leader in the 2002 "Stupidest NCAA Rule Change" competition.
21: The number of career goals, going into last night's game, for Jeff Halpern '99. Halpern currently plays with the NHL's Washington Capitals It's safe to say that he — not football's Keith Elias '94 or Jason Garrett '88 — has been Princeton's top alum in pro sports recently.
22: The uniform number of Princeton men's basketball's C.J. Chapman, who has stepped up in the Tigers' first two games to lead the team in scoring — while also having to shoulder much of the ball-handling load in the absence of Ahmed El-Nokali.
23: The uniform number of Chapman's backcourt mate, Mike Bechtold, who is shooting over 70 percent from the field. Spencer who?
24: The number of consecutive points scored by Holy Cross against Dartmouth at the start of its men's basketball game Tuesday. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Big Green trailed 24-0 at one point — and that's a team that might still finish in the top half of the Ivy League.
25: The number of years that have elapsed since Pete Carril and the Princeton men's basketball team won the NIT in 1975. The thoughts of Tiger fans everywhere have turned to Carril this week as he recovers from heart bypass surgery.
The Associated Press reports that Carril is expected to return to his job with the Sacramento Kings in about six weeks.
He can take solace in one thing: When he returns to his job in California, he'll be as far away from Florida as you can get in this country.
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