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A travel guide for the transportationally limited

Bored? Poor? When you talk about "my wheels," are you talking about the training wheels? Not to worry. When it comes to weekend entertainment, there are plenty of options for the financially and transportationally limited, right here in Princeton.

The Art Museum in McCormick Hall is one of Princeton's forgotten charms. Though it looks compact from the outside, you can easily browse there for an hour or two. Picasso's huge head announces the building's presence from meters away, so you can't miss it. Best of all, the price is a very nice suggested donation of $3. I like those words: suggested donation.

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If you itch to step on something that isn't good old campus bluestone, take the dead authors tour of Princeton on bike or foot. Well, they're not all authors, but I'm right about the dead part. Turn onto Mercer from Nassau; three blocks later you will see Albert Einstein's house on the left. Then, pull a U-turn onto Alexander to get a peek at the home of T.S. Eliot. And finally, pay a visit to 15 Hodge Road, home of former president, Grover Cleveland.

Then it's off to Carnegie Lake, where local fishermen swear Toni Morrison can be seen surfacing for air in the early morning hours. It may be just another quaint legend, but it's worth bringing your binoculars, and a copy of "Paradise" in case you get close enough for an autograph.

After a long day of sightseeing, it's time for a little gustatory experimentation. Simply collect a few items from the 'Wa, late dinner at the Student Center and your roommate's CVS run, and mix them together in unexpected ways.

My personal favorite is peanut butter and bananas smeared on raisin bread stolen from PUDS (I'm not being facetious – it's really good). Or you could order a bizarre pizza from Pizza Coloré. They'll put anything on it you like, no questions asked. These people make chocolate pizza, so nothing could shock them. Also, if you're the only person there at closing time, they'll give you all their leftovers for free.

Finally, since you don't belong to an eating club, unwind in one of the numerous residential college gaming facilities. I recommend the Holder Hall pool room. There's no five ball – but I never liked the number five anyway – no chalk, and only one cue. Passing the cue from player to player without impaling someone just adds a new dimension of hand-eye coordination to the game.

If you still have time to kill, you can relieve some stress by regressing to the age of eight. Have your picture taken sitting on one of the tigers in front of Nassau Hall. Stand in the middle of the chapel, make sure you're alone, and then whistle. Or read children's books at Micawber until they kick you out or until you fall asleep, whichever comes first. It's amazing what you'll do when profound boredom is your only asset.

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