A lonely guy and girl escape Valentine's day with a perfect day in the city

If you haven't gone out on a date since the Bush administration and you spend your Saturday nights at home playing Scrabble with Mom and Dad, chances are you'll find yourself alone this Valentine's Day. But never fear, there is much that a lonely guy can do in New York on the most overrated holiday of the year. Who really enjoys walking hand-in-hand with a beautiful woman through the historic battlefields of the Garden State anyway? I now present to you a rough guide for the solo male in Manhattan over Valentine's Day.

We start our journey on the upper East Side at the Arms and Armor exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art (82nd and 5th) This fierce display of medieval swords and shields will strengthen your resolve to have a good time despite the obvious emptiness of your love life.

But if you want the quiet solitude of a museum without steel sabres and brutal devices of torture, the tranquil Frick Museum (70th and 5th) may be the right place for you to brood alone.

Although there are numerous hot dog vendors around town providing cheap (if not USDA approved) fare, if you find yourself on the West Side, go straight to Gray's Papaya (72nd and Broadway). In an unbeatable deal you can get two gosh-darn good hot dogs for just a buck. To hell with your old girlfriend's silly warnings about high fat, cholesterol, not to mention the fact that heart disease runs in your family. And nevermind that you don't really want to know what goes into these dogs so they can sell them for a dollar.

Enough of museums, catch the subway downtown to Chelsea Piers (23rd and Hudson River) to get out all testosterone-driven athletic aggressions. Practice golf at a multilevel indoor driving range (an ideal stress releasing activity), get in shape at their fitness center (always a good place to meet members of the opposite sex) or try some rock climbing (and bruise your body against the largest indoor wall in the country).

For those too physically weakened by their own emotional agony to exercise, Sony Lincoln Square (68th and Broadway) has about a dozen movie screens and a massive IMAX theater (note: be careful not to go to a romantic movie or you may be confronted by the evil specter of happy couples). A good guts 'n' glory action film like The Replacement Killers or any old school male dominated flick will be just what the doctor ordered. You can always stop at a XXX Theater, Strip Club or Adult Book Shop, but you won't need help finding any of those.

With only a few more lonely hours to while away, travel to Big Nick's Burger and Pizza Joint (77th and Broadway). This legendary grease pit boasts its specialty, the Sumo Burger, a full juicy pound of ground meat on a bun with all the trimmings.

The burgers there are excellent, their traditional New York style pizza is out of this world and you can sit at the counter to avoid facing an empty seat across from you. Big Nick may even give you a free "Big Nick Cares" balloon in a feeble attempt to cheer you up.

To top this wonderful day off, head downtown to Bowlmore Lanes (110 University Place between 12th and 13th) At this dilapidated bowling alley, you take score by hand and you may well have to reset the pins yourself from time to time.

If all you want to do is drown your sorrows, find a place at McSorleys (15th St. and 7th Ave.). Once a males-only enclave, this infamous New York establishment is still popular with grumpy old men. Though you probably won't find yourself a last minute date, it's a good place to drink yourself into oblivion with other lonely males in New York.