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The Undergraduate Student Government has instituted a new dress code stipulating new heights of preppification for University students.

USG president Jay Crew ’17 noted that while the dress code is not mandatory, students who are observed not following it will be added to a “Burn Book” which will be put on display in Frist Campus Center.

“I think Coco Chanel or someone once said that all the world’s a stage,” Crew said, “and to that can be added that all of Princeton is a costume party.”

Under the new guidelines, all students must wear pastel colors on Wednesdays, and students may not wear glasses that do not have thick frames. Before trying on a new outfit, girls must ask other girls if the outfit looks good on them, and men are encouraged to do the same but not in public.

Furthermore, the code outlines several items that should not be worn in public: sneakers, Teva sandals, pajamas, sweatpants and sweatshirts or T-shirts that do not bear the University logo. All of these items can only be worn publicly on Fridays, with the exception of pajamas, which can never be worn in public ever.

U-Councilor Ralph Lauren ’18 noted that as these rules may be seen as promoting excessive conformity on campus, USG is also encouraging students to be unique. Girls are encouraged to learn the ukulele and buy drip coffee from Rojo’s instead of pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks, and boys are encouraged to major in philosophy instead of economics, grow beards and discuss Sartre in their spare time.

Crew said that since these regulations reinforce the unofficial dress codes already in place at the University, they would not be controversial. However, students have spoken in opposition to the decision, and have drawn up a referendum against it.

Whig-Clio member Theophilius Smith ’19, one of the proponents of the referendum, said that even if the dress code is not strictly required, even suggesting one represents a brainwashing attempt at conformity.

“This represents an unprecedented totalitarian attack upon the pulchritude of the civil liberties given to our polity,” he said. “I have never encountered anything like it during my time as an observer of the Judeo-Christian legal tradition.”

Olympia Cady Stanton ’17, a member of the Women’s Center, said that suggested dress codes will lead to University students perceiving each other in stereotyped terms, including each gender’s perception of the other gender.

“There seems to be no exit from the forced conformity,” she said.

*This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet!*

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