Support the ‘Prince’

Please disable ad blockers for our domain. Thank you!

After another dominant season in Ivy League play, the field hockey team came to a realization that it was actually just too good for the rest of the Ivies to handle, and as such will be forced to make provisions to actually give the other Ivy League teams a chance during league play.

“It feels amazing after the first few seasons of crushing, but afterwards it starts to feel a little boring.” field hockey head coach Kristen Holmes explained. “It’d be really great to shake things up and add a little more competition to the league.”

The team has gone 27-1 during league play in the last four years, with a 7-0 performance in the 2015 season. They earned themselves a national championship in the 2012 season to boot. It’s safe to say that they’ve had more than their fair share of beating down on their fellow teams from the Ancient 8. The main idea proposed has been to force Princeton to have only three players on the field at a time.

Director of Athletics Mollie Marcoux ’91 said that the move might be beneficial for all involved, and has indeed been a long time coming.

“It’s best for the sport if there’s not one juggernaut year in and year out,” Marcoux said. “Variety is the spice of life, and right now the race for the league title is about as bland as white rice.”

Miles Hinson ’17 said that, should the change actually be approved, it will definitely make for interesting articles from here on out.

“Do you know how hard it is to write interesting articles when teams keeping winning each and every season?” Hinson lamented. “It’d be really nice to have a fluctuating storyline to follow year in and year out.”

Hinson is the outgoing sports editor for The Daily Princetonian.

While it is still up for debate which changes will be enacted, it’s clear that there must be a shakeup to make the field more level for the other Ivies.

“We’re also considering simply adding more teams into our league, just so it feels a little more dramatic when we win first place again,” Holmes said.

Alternative measures have included giving the other teams a two-goal handicap, or having the Tigers play with ankle weights chained to their feet.

*This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet!*

Comments powered by Disqus