After celebrating his 50th Reunion this past May, former men’s basketball star Bill Bradley ’65 decided he missed his beloved “Old Nassau” far too much to remain away for long. After much deliberation and discussion with his loved ones, Bradley has decided to return to Princeton for four more years, where he plans to star not just on the basketball court, but also on the football field.

“After falling in the Final Four of the 1965 NCAA Final Four, I realized I still had unfinished business as a Tiger,” Bradley explained. “I contacted Coach Mitch Henderson [’98], and he said he’d be more than happy to take me on. At that point, I said, “What the hell, I killed it on the basketball court, who says I can’t dominate every one there is?”

Even at the age of 72, Bradley seems as eager as anyone to get back in the flow of NCAA athletics. One of the most decorated athletes in Princeton history, the man tore it up even after his time as a Tiger as well, earning two titles with the New York Knicks in 1970 and 1973.

At 6 feet 5 inches, with incredible limberness and vision for a man his age, Bradley will make an invaluable asset no matter what position he plays. Indeed, one sport he’s had his eye on since his last stint at Princeton was the football team, where he looks to make an impact as a backup quarterback.

“Having a talent like Bill Bradley will really make an impact as we look to bounce back strong next fall.” Football head coach Bob Surace ’90 explained. “I also use like three quarterbacks a game — what’s wrong with adding one more to the mix?”

The student body was more than eager to see Bradley bring his brilliance to his old stomping ground. Due to his accolades, he’s already been given various monikers such as “Baller Bill,” “Rad-ley Bradley,” and “Hotline Bill-ing”.

Senior Andrew Steele said he’s never hoped for anything more than to see Bradley playing again for Princeton.

“Bill Bradley is more than a man, he’s an idol and an example of the perfect Princeton student.” Steele said enthusiastically.

Steele has been one of the main proponents of bringing Bradley back to campus, and has begun selling Bradley-themed merchandise — from T-shirts to bobbleheads — in order to generate excitement around the revolutionary move.

While questions of the legality of the situation have arisen, NCAA CEO Mark Emmert has assured us that he’ll be willing to turn a blind eye to the situation.

“Who’s not going to tune into the 72-year-old tearing it up in college athletics?” Emmert asked incredulously. “We’re talking big bucks, and at the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about.”

*This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet!*

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