U. proposes change of mascot from tiger to oxen, students have a cow| January 9, 2018
Students across the University were deeply mooved yesterday when the University released its formal proposal to change the University mascot from the regal tiger to the humble yet persistent cow.
“We’ve herd the voices of the students and we truly believe this to be the best decision,” said President Eisgruber. “The ox is a symbol of service and courage, and when we at Princeton see a good idea like this, we milk it for all it’s worth.”
The idea struck Eisgruber after witnessing a few students who slept too late and had to hoof it to class. Watching the students’ dedication to academics, Eisgruber mused that they would certainly be outstanding in their fields one day, and they deserved a mascot that encapsulated their work ethic.
“It’s the best thing we as the administration cud do for the students,” said Eisgruber. “We want to foster a caring and inclusive environment and eliminate any beef between students, and we think this is a great step forward.”
Student responses have been mixed at best. Regina Yu '18 was all for it.
“I think it’s an incredibull idea,” said Yu. “As a Princeton student, there are so many late nights where you’re up pasture bedtime and you need to hit the hay but there’s just more work to do. We’re all little persistent oxen if you think about it!”
Other students were not as sold on the idea, believing the change by the university was a severe miscowculation.
“It’s an udder disaster,” said disgruntled student Ethan Ferniwinkle '20. “I’ve heard a lot of weird ideas come out of this administration, but this one is just bull.”
Thomas DiMaggio '19 was also angry with the position the administration was taking, especially after they rejected his own proposal to change the new school mascot to a mouse, claiming the plan was just too cheesy.
“I, for one, thought it was a gouda idea,” said DiMaggio. “The fact that the University would shut down my idea for an ox is unbrieleavable. I guess I blue it.”
Eisgruber plans to formally announce his decision about the mascot at the tenth Annual Pre-Dean’s Date Undergraduate Omelette Dinner, “Don’t Crack Under the Pressure.”
“The omelette dinner will be an eggsellent venue to unveil the new idea, and we can’t wait to hear what the students think,” said Dean of College Jill Dolan. “This is no yolk.”
This article is part of The Daily Princetonian’s annual joke issue. Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet!