A new BDSM and kink support group — known as Princetonians in the Nation’s Service — has attracted nearly 30 members since its creation in January.
“Our written-down mission statement basically says that we’re here to provide a safe space, a community and a social space for people who are kinky,” the founder of PINS, who was granted anonymity due to the club’s confidential status, said.
According to the founder, who is a junior, the rules of the group prohibit members from “outing” other members. The rules also require that members respect the kink identities of other members and reserve the right to eject other members from the group.
Alcohol sobriety is also strictly mandated by the club due to liability issues and concerns regarding consent.
PINS already has close to 30 members on its listserv, and about 10 members attend meetings regularly.
The club’s founder said the membership is very diverse, stating that it consists of male, female, gay, straight and bisexual students of different racial backgrounds and class years, including graduate students.
Members other than the founder did not respond to requests for comment.
“It’s because of the stigma that you have to be careful and you have to have confidentiality,” the founder said, citing risks that are involved in exposing certain aspects of personal life, including future professional prospects and relationships with family members.
He added that “there needs to be a balance between visibility and anonymity,” as the group intends to host lectures, panels and other events in the future, possibly in conjunction with the Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender Center on campus or the Sexual Harassment/Assault Advising, Resources and Education program.
“We’re not out to advocate anything; we’re not out to proselytize,” the founder said. “The goal is really to help create a campus culture that’s more conducive and more open for kinky people like us.”
The founder said the group’s meetings primarily consist of discussion of the members’ interests and plans for the group’s future but also include lessons in handicrafts.
One member, who was a Boy Scout, taught others how to tie knots at a recent meeting, the founder explained. Another member plans to teach others to make kinky “arts and crafts” at a future meeting.
The founder described the group as “pretty tame” and said he is conscious about keeping it that way in order to avoid developing a reputation as “that sketchy sex group.” Instead, the group aims for legitimacy, he said.
“I don’t think there’s anything to be sensationalized,” he said. “We don’t have a dark dungeon room where you whip people every Sunday; that’s not what’s going on. Really, it’s just a bunch of people who are interested in making friends with each other and hanging out and discussing these issues and potentially talking about safety techniques so nobody gets hurt [and] talking about consent.”
PINS focuses on safe BDSM techniques and consent practices, the founder said, adding that he thinks the group can add to the dialogue about consent on campus.
The new club emerged on campus less than a year after the bestselling series “Fifty Shades of Grey” brought BDSM to the popular attention of the general public.
“I have ambivalent opinions about 'Fifty Shades of Grey,' first of all because it’s a popularized, sensationalized version of kink that’s not an entirely accurate description of people who practice kink,” the founder said. “There’s a lot of criticism in the BDSM community of 'Fifty Shades of Grey’ because it represents a lot of non-consent. It’s an abusive relationship. So it’s not exactly the best depiction or the most favorable depiction of what a healthy BDSM relationship looks like.”
Despite the trilogy’s seemingly negative portrayal of BDSM, the founder thinks the books have improved the public’s exposure to kink.
However, the founder said he is concerned about the negative rap that the dominant/submissive aspect of BDSM gets and that he wanted to set the record straight on the issue of whether BDSM encouraged relationships of hatred.
“I think it’s a form of love,” the founder said. “There’s a lot of nurture involved; there’s a lot of care.”
His preference for kinky sex has not stopped the founder from having his own loving relationship, he said, which he described as normal.
“We have strong kinky elements in our relationship, but at the same time we also have a very strong vanilla relationship,” he said.
While PINS has not yet applied for recognition from the Office of the Dean of Undergraduate Students as an official student group, the founder explained that members of the group are discussing the options and may apply next semester once the organization is more certain of its goals.
“It really has to be about what the members want,” he said.
Benedict Wagstaff ’14, the chair of the Student Groups Recognition Committee, confirmed that the group had not yet applied for recognition but said the application process is fairly straightforward. Interested groups must submit an application to the SGRC and write a constitution.
“If you read the text of Rights, Rules, Responsibilities, [the University is] very open to having all kinds of groups and very flexible in the groups that it wants to welcome to campus,” Wagstaff said. “I think that there are some — if you read the Rights, Rules, Responsibilities — there are [hypothetically] some groups that will probably not be approved, but I think they would have to do something which is very offensive to the University and to the rest of the student body.”
University Spokesperson Martin Mbugua said that the University encourages students with shared interests to apply for official recognition as a student group.
“Recognized student organizations cover a very wide range of interests, and students who seek to organize themselves around shared interests are encouraged to follow the procedure to establish a recognized organization,” Mbugua said. “The University does not prescribe what students can or cannot organize themselves around prior to the application process.”
Until the group applies for recognition from the University, the founder explained, it will continue to try to build its membership and develop a concrete direction. He added that he thinks PINS is exactly the kind of organization that the University needs.
“I do think there is an incomplete conversation on campus on sex and sexuality, and that is the void we are trying to fill,” the founder said.
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