Ask the Sexpert: April 25, 2013

Dear Sexpert,

My sexual partners are of various genders, including both trans and cis-identified men and women. How can I be sure to have safe sex with whomever my partner is?

— Safety First

Dear Safety,

It’s wonderful that you are looking out for your health and your partners’ health. The key to having safer sex with a person of any gender is to reduce the risk of transmission of sexually transmitted infections through use of barrier methods that keep partners’ bodily fluids out of each other’s bodies and reduce skin-to-skin contact. We call this “safer sex” because it significantly reduces risk compared to unprotected sex, but it does not eliminate risk altogether. For example, HPV and HSV (herpes simplex virus) can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact such as undressed genital rubbing even if there is no penetration or oral sex. So, you can keep your underwear on or reduce your risk with the barriers listed below.

For sex with fingers and hands, such as manual stimulation and fisting, you can use gloves and finger cots. This helps to keep any minor cuts or scabs on hands away from genitalia. Keep your nails trimmed to avoid scratching the anus or vagina.

For oral sex on a vagina or on an anus, you can use a dental dam (a square piece of latex that is held in place over the vulva or anus during oral sex). If you don’t have a dental dam, you can easily cut a condom or glove into a square and proceed to use it as you would a dental dam. Don’t use the same barrier on the anus and the vagina; get a new one to go from one to the other. For oral sex on a penis, you can use a condom. Remember, dental dams and condoms come in many flavors! You can use flavored lube as well.

For vaginal and anal sex, male and female condoms work best to keep you protected. Remember to check the expiration date and use condoms correctly. You can find step-by-step instructions on Columbia’s “Go Ask Alice” webpage. For male condoms, make sure the condom rolls down smoothly and that you pinch the tip when putting it on. Female condoms can also be used for vaginal and anal sex, and they can be inserted in the anus or vagina for a few hours prior to sex, ensuring that your protection won’t depend on a partner. Just be sure not to use a female condom with a male condom — only one or the other!

When using toys, be sure to clean them when switching partners and from vagina to anus or vice versa. You can wash toys with warm water and soap to keep them clean. Using condoms on toys is also effective — change the condom between partners and when going from vagina to anus or vice versa. Clean toys every time after sex or solo play.

Lube goes well with any sexual activity, so have plenty available! It’s best to use water-based lube as it will do the least damage to toys and condoms. Silicone-based and oil-based lube will degrade silicone toys and latex condoms.

Condoms are available in many locations on campus: in McCosh Health Center (after hours you can still get them in the front doorway from the coin machine), from your RCA or Peer Health Adviser and from the LGBT Center. McCosh Health Center and the LGBT Center also have dental dams. Gloves, finger cots and lube are also available at the LGBT Center. If you have a latex allergy, be sure to find polyurethane alternatives.

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To prevent pregnancy in yourself or your partner, a barrier method such as a male or female condom will work, but for greater effectiveness, combine a barrier method with a hormonal one, such as the Pill or IUD. IUDs also come with no hormones in case that’s a concern. You can schedule an appointment with Sexual Health and Wellness Services at McCosh to discuss the various options.

Always remember that consent is also necessary for safe, fun and healthy sex. If you communicate clearly with your partners and always have a supply of unexpired safer sex supplies, you should be good to go!

—The Sexpert

Interested in Sexual Health? The Sexpert is always looking for members of the community to join the team of sexual health educators who, along with fact-checking from University health professionals, help write these columns. Email sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com for more information and questions about sexual health. Don’t be shy!