Sexpert: April 28, 2011

Dear Sexpert,

My boyfriend and I have been happily together for over a year now, but one thing remains problematic in our relationship: I have absolutely no sex drive! I’ve been on some form of birth control since my early teens, and I’m wondering if the medication I’m taking may be the cause for my low sex drive. I’m frustrated when we try to have sex because I can never get into it: I’m always dry, and I never feel horny. We’ve tried everything to ameliorate the situation, but still, I end up feeling horrible and ashamed of my inability to “get wet.” I love my boyfriend very much, and it upsets me that I’m not able to satisfy him sexually. Is there something wrong with me? Could it be the birth control pills?

— Dry and Tired

Dear Dry,

First things first: There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Many factors, including birth control medication and other prescribed medications, can influence sexual energy and one’s desire to engage in sexual activity. It’s normal for women to describe experiencing decreased feelings of sexual arousal while on the pill; conversely, some women have described experiencing increased feelings of sexual arousal. It is always important to talk to a health care provider, such as your doctor or a nurse practitioner, to see what kind of contraception options may be right for you. Talking to a health professional about a possible link between your sex drive and the medication you currently take is a good thing. If you feel that the birth control pills are negatively affecting your sex drive, it is a good idea to get some counseling on birth control methods. The Sexual Health and Wellness office at University Health Services is a great resource for this on campus.

Many medications, including antidepressants and drugs that contain hormones, can decrease feelings of sexual arousal. Decreased sexual arousal can manifest itself in an array of different forms, including (but not limited to) the following: a disinterest in having sex, an inability to “get wet,” feelings of sexual frustration and not being able to “get into it,” like you mentioned.

It may also be important to consider your feelings around this issue as well. Is there anything else that is happening in your life? Is there a lack of communication or trust between you or your partner. Have you two had a recent argument? Besides medication, there are numerous other factors that can contribute to feelings of a decreased sexual arousal. Stress from school or even extracurricular activities you may participate in can sometimes affect libido. Princetonians lead busy lives, and it’s important to seek help and support if this feels like it is too much to handle. As I mentioned above, there is a plethora of resources that are available for you to use at Princeton. Counseling — for both couples and individuals — is available through Counseling and Psychological Services at UHS free of charge. To learn more, check their website.

Talking to friends, and even your boyfriend, could also help alleviate some of the stress that comes from experiencing a decreased libido. Furthermore, other tools such as lubricants may help to facilitate sexual activity if you are experiencing dryness. For more information on dryness and lowered sex drive, you may also find the following online resources helpful: the Mayo Clinic, Sexualhealth.com and “Go Ask Alice.”

— The Sexpert

The Sexpert is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. Submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don’t be shy!