Fear and loathing in Frist Campus Center

When it comes to issues on campus, there’s something more polarizing than Bicker or grade deflation or even hummus: the piano in Frist. The generous alumnus who donated this baby grand with the express stipulation that it remain in this public location for anyone to play had no idea of the vitriol that the instrument would inspire.

Some people appreciate the background music, viewing it as a nice soundtrack to their day-to-day activities. Others express excitement when a particular song — the “Star Trek” theme, for instance — is unexpectedly played. However, most opinions about the piano playing range from mild annoyance to utter outrage. On a certain anonymous website, stories about the piano have inspired many more “FMLs” than “MLIAs.”

Recently, for unexplained reasons, someone — social experimenter? sociopath? — sat and played a single note repeatedly until, at last, someone else threatened him with a pool cue. Another student performed a similar stunt, banging on the keys as part of his eating club offering. Personally, the prank I’d most like to hear is a performance of John Cage’s “4’33” ” — a piece that consists of about four and a half minutes of not playing any notes.

This Sunday evening, the piano had a wide range of players. Between 9:21 p.m. and 9:23 p.m., two girls sat down and played for a few minutes, then broke off abruptly and walked away. A little while later, someone sat down and seemed to just bang on the keys. There was a bit of “Heart and Soul,” but he was moving his hands around as he talked to one of his friends, seemingly unaware of what chords — if any — he was playing. Later, a seasoned piano player sat down to play a pop song that had been running through his head.

Several people I talked to thought that the piano should simply be removed. One freshman had a particularly interesting take. He noted that the piano playing is a pleasant addition to the campus center’s atmosphere when the pianist is talented, while those who are practicing badly sometimes irritate him to the point that he leaves Frist. In order to preserve the good playing and eliminate the bad, he proposed that the University assign individuals to play the piano, perhaps in a work-study position.

Arguments aside, one of the mysteries of the piano is what lies inside its bench. I’m sure you’ve all been wondering about this mystery, so I investigated. There are some unorganized pieces of sheet music, all out of order, mostly of classical pieces. More interestingly, there are two signs that at one point sat atop the piano. One is an earnest note handwritten on a piece of notebook paper, urging pianists to please practice quietly and to be considerate of those attempting to study in the surrounding area. The other sign takes a different approach: In bold, typed letters, it announces that the piano is broken.

This Sunday, someone placed a similar sign atop the piano: “OUT OF ORDER,” scrawled in large purple letters. This sign provided a brief interlude of peaceful silence. However, it did nothing to deter the next student who came along to practice. He sat down with his music and played. He seemed to pay particular attention to dynamics, demonstrating the full (loud) range of the small piano.

In my opinion, the Frist piano is a great equalizer — an ebony-and-ivory opportunity. It may appear intimidating, but it’s just like the dance companies and a cappella groups always say: no experience required. It’s always there, whether it’s 3 a.m. when you’re returning from the street, during the awkward break between your 11:50 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. classes when you lurk in Frist and pretend you’re doing work, or at 4:58 p.m. on Dean’s Date.

Here is a confession: Sometimes the Frist piano makes me wish that I hadn’t quit piano lessons in sixth grade. Maybe if my mother had been more like Amy Chua and had forced me to practice until I cried, I would now know how to play some sort of dazzling piece to accompany the sounds of conversation and studying in the surrounding areas. I know you’ve thought about this too. But you don’t have to imagine yourself playing the piano; you can do it.

Even though the best pianists at Princeton have had years of training, it’s never too late to learn. In fact, you don’t even have to know how to read music. If you have enough patience and determination, you can learn to play by ear. So the next time you have an hour or two to spare, sit down beside that intimidating tiger and start playing the latest Taylor Swift song one measure at a time. It might sound terrible at first, but you’ll get better through trial and error. If humming under your breath isn’t helping, you should probably start belting out the lyrics. Remember: Every great musician starts somewhere.