It’s not a bird, it’s not a plane … it’s a superhuman wreck

Upon its release in 1985, Alan Moore's and Dave Gibbons' superhero miniseries "Watchmen" was seen as an evolution of the comic book medium - an instant classic that showed that the format could serve as a viable platform for challenging art. Not long after its publication, Hollywood saw the comic's potential, and the project for its film adaptation soon attracted many of Hollywood's top talents. In his overview "Watching the Watchmen," Gibbons joked about one outlandish proposal that would have been produced by the minds behind "Lethal Weapon" and starred Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Thankfully, that particular project never saw the light of day. And, by comparison, filmmaker Zack Snyder seems like an inspired choice to bring Moore's twisted vision to the screen, having previously made the bold and faithful comic book adaptation of "300." His latest film, however, emphatically proves that appearances can be deceiving. Though Snyder's unwieldy "Watchmen" contains a few moments of brilliance, they are often lost in an awkwardly directed mess of a film that smacks of a filmmaker unsure how to bring a classic graphic novel to the screen.

Set in a dystopian 1985 in which costumed heroes have been outlawed, the film focuses on the sociopathic vigilante Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley), who is trying to solve the mysterious murder of a peer named The Comedian. His quest begins while the world stands on the brink of World War III, with tensions swiftly escalating between the Soviet Union and the United States (still run by President Richard Nixon in his third term). As Rorschach pieces together the mystery, he confronts everyone from two-bit super villains to former superheroes to a real-life Superman called Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), who serves as the American government's all-powerful weapon against the Russians. This superhero tale has a twist: All of these heroes are psychological wrecks, struggling with impotence and depression, and many operate without a clear moral compass.

Of the huge cast, only two actors deliver memorable performances. As the misanthropic detective Rorschach, former child star Haley creates a chilling persona that radiates a palpable menace. Speaking with a deep rasp, he spews long diatribes about the filth of humanity. His pure hatred for those around him is most apparent after the character is thrown in prison. While being dragged away after maiming a prisoner in the lunch line, he screams out, "I'm not locked in here with you! You're locked in here with me!" The wild-eyed Haley transforms Rorschach into a frightening beast prepared to attack at any time. Once his mask has been removed in the movie's third act, the actor adopts a constant sneer, powerfully highlighting how his life as a superhero has reduced him to a shell of a man.

Whereas Rorschach grows repulsed by humanity, Billy Crudup's blue-hued, butt-naked Dr. Manhattan grows more apathetic towards the petty lives of humans. The actor succeeds in the unenviable task of making the monotone, superhuman character sympathetic. The actor injects the clairvoyant hero with a quiet pathos that beautifully highlights the superhero's alienation, as he begins asking himself whether the human world is worth saving. Making his performance all the more impressive, Crudup manages to effectively emote through the many computer generated effects used to make Manhattan’s body into the pinnacle of human perfection.

The rest of the ensemble eschews finesse and nuance for sometimes laughably broad performances. Playing the voluptuous heroine Silk Spectre, Malin Ackerman exemplifies the shallow acting style that pervades much of "Watchmen." She delivers every line without a hint of inflection, ensuring that her Silk Spectre is nothing more than a one-dimensional waif. In the midst of her tumultuous relationship with the distant Dr. Manhattan, Silk Spectre is surprised to find out that her man has cloned himself in a misguided attempt to please her in bed. What reads as absolute shock in the text comes off as mild annoyance in the film. Ackerman's reserved delivery seems remarkably out of place and represents one of the many instances where the ponderous Ackerman clashes with the ambience of the production. The lack of refinement in her performance suggests that the filmmaker's only criterion for his actors was that they look good in costume.

Creating a jarring schism in the film's visuals, Snyder vacillates between an absolute visual fidelity to the original comic book and a looser, interpretive style. The scenes depicting Dr. Manhattan's origins, for instance, are faithful to the original text, with comic book panels translated almost literally to the screen. After being vaporized by a nuclear reactor, Dr. Manhattan begins to form a new body. During the slow-paced sequence depicting the scientist's metamorphosis into a powerful god, the film wondrously intertwines awe with horror. It achieves an atmosphere quite unlike that of any other superhero film. These sublime moments, however, are all too rare, as the filmmaker instead peppers his production with overblown homages to other films like "Blade Runner" and "Apocalypse Now." Such references make the story of "Watchmen" feel like a derivative knockoff of other genres rather than a revolutionary reimagining of established archetypes.

Worse than the often-dodgy casting and schizophrenic visuals are the ham-fisted aural cues used to establish setting. To evoke the 1980s, Snyder inserts a snippet of a "99 Red Balloons" in the soundtrack. Later on, in scenes depicting Dr. Manhattan's intervention in the Vietnam War, "Ride of the Valkyries" blares loudly in the background. A battle scene accompanied by Wagner? How original! These jarring bits of music rip viewers out of the narrative, often nullifying the impact of the meticulously detailed sets. The most egregiously clumsy moment of scoring occurs when a previously impotent hero rediscovers his virility while bedding a woman. His rise toward a sexual climax is accompanied by the soothing sounds of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah." The scene emphasizes that Snyder is more comfortable going for cheap laughs than achieving any real insight into the text.

Commenting on the Comedian's growing despair, Rorschach announces that he saw "the 20th century to face... a parody, a joke." His words ironically hit upon the problems of this adaptation, which only captures the broadest facets of the ambitious graphic novel. Snyder was inevitably going to have a difficult time distilling the so-called "unfilmable" 500-page work. But after two hours, 43 minutes of this clunky film, it becomes clear that "Watchmen" is one comic that should have stayed on the page. Pros: Two rich lead performances anchoring the filmOccasional awe-inspiring visual moments

Cons: "300" director Zack Snyder's misguided adaptation of classic graphic novel often bordering on parody

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