Ask The Sexpert — Feb. 12, 2009

Dear Sexpert,

I was at a party in a friend's room when a bunch of people decided to play "Never Have I Ever," the game in which everyone sits in a circle and takes turns saying things they have never done before. If you have done it, you have to drink. I decided to join in the fun. Things were going fine until one of the guys said that he had never had sex before. I got nervous because I didn't know whether to drink. I've fooled around with my boyfriend, and we've done a bunch of stuff together, but I'm not sure if that constitutes sex. What does it mean to have had "sex?" Does oral sex count? What about hand jobs?

-Looking for Answers

Dear Looking for Answers,

To be honest, the answer to your question is probably not as simple and concrete as you were hoping it would be. The category of sex and sexuality is vast and can incorporate a number of things. One common definition among heterosexuals is that sex refers to an act of intercourse in which the penis penetrates the vagina. For other heterosexuals, any physical contact that involves the penis or vagina is considered sex; this would include oral sex ("going down" or giving a "blow job"). While for some gay men, sex refers to anal sex, in which the penis of one man penetrates the anus of another, the same diversity in the definition applies. As expected, things are no different for lesbian couples, for whom sex can include digital sex ("fingering") or using a double-sided dildo. What is important is what you think. Never feel that you have to submit to others views about what it means to have had "sex."

-The Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,

I have heard a lot about condoms and other contraceptives. Can you tell me a bit about the morning-after pill?

-Being Prepared

Dear Being Prepared,

I'm glad that you want to learn about emergency contraception, but you don't want to put yourself in a situation in which you have to resort to the morning-after pill. If you are sexually active, you should use condoms, the birth-control pill or other forms of contraception instead of relying on the morning-after pill.The morning-after pill - also known as emergency contraception - is a last-minute pill that can be taken up to five days after unprotected intercourse, though it is most effective if used within the first 12 hours. It consists of two doses of hormone pills; the first should be taken as soon as possible, and the second twelve hours later. You can also take both pills at the same time. Depending on what stage of her menstrual cycle the woman is in, the pill will prevent pregnancy in one of two ways: It either inhibits or delays ovulation, preventing fertilization, or changes the characteristics of the endometrium, or uterine lining, to deter implantation. You can get the morning-after pill at University Health Services for $17. During normal hours, you can just enter McCosh Health Center or call to book an "emergency slot" (609-258-3141). You will have to see a health worker briefly. After regular clinic hours or on weekends, you can get emergency contraception from nurses on the second floor of McCosh. The morning-after pill is also available from drugstores without a prescription for individuals who are 18 years old and older.

-The Sexpert

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‘Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!