The globetrotting of the Montreal Expos may be over soon.
The "major league" franchise has long been the breeding grounds for some the best talent in baseball but has never been able to capitalize on that.
That's what happens when you don't have any money. Mostly because of poor attendance in Olympic Stadium, the Expos have been losing money like Ozzy Osbourne loses brain cells. They couldn't pay their best players, so they had to trade them to other teams for their best prospects. Those prospects then got major league experience with the Expos and made their money in other places when they commanded huge salaries, and the cycle continued.
This mirrors the story of the Kansas City Athletics, but that was much worse, since the Yankees were the only team that capitalized on the situation during the franchise's 13 years in that city from 1955-1967.
Apparently the hemorrhage of cash has finally reached levels that make a transplant necessary.
Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig wants the team to be in a new city by the beginning of next season. The team has been owned by MLB itself since February of 2002.
Many think that a destination outside the U.S. — like Mexico — would be the best solution to replace Montreal, but even when the Expos play "home" games in Puerto Rico — 22 last season and another 22 this season — attendance has not been up to par. The Expos' last game played in Puerto Rico drew an anemic 8,000 fans.
Replacement possibilities for Montreal are finally coming into focus. Washington, D.C./northern Virginia is still the leader, but nothing has been decided and Baltmore Orioles' owner Peter Angelos is a poweful force in MLB who doesn't want a team that could take away some of his market share. Some more fun sites have made blips on the radar, so I will thoroughly investigate what each site's pluses and minuses are before reaching a conclusion on which site is best.
Las Vegas, Nev.
Gambling. Nearby prostitutes. The desert. What could be better for a new franchise?
Come on, when was the last gambling scandal in sports. Oh yeah, that Rose guy. "My Prison Without Bars." Please define 'prison' for me.
But there haven't been any problems with prostitutes lately . . . except for that nightclub in Atlanta where Andruw Jones (and former NBA basketball player Partick Ewing) got some hookers. That wasn't too big of a scandal, though.
I think my scientific analysis of this city as a site for the Expos might be biased, but I'll try anyway.
Pluses:
Interest. When money changes hands, people care.
Dry air means the ball will fly farther, and home run numbers will continue to be inflated. That's what fans and MLB management wants.
The population is booming.
Minuses:
See introductory paragraph.
The people with the most interest in gambling on the team are perfectly willing to watch it on TV, along with the other 14 MLB games on that night.
Most of the people spending money is Las Vegas have no personal allegiance to the city. They're all tourists. It's a vibrant economy, but not a fan base. When you go on vacation to Kansas City, are you in a hurry to find Kauffman Stadium so that you can to take in a Royals game?
Conclusion:
This is not a 'viable' option, despite what MLB chief operating officer Bob DuPuy says. Water conservation is going to be a problem in the near future, and the Las Vegas Prostitutes doesn't even have the ring to it that "Les Expos" does. Sorry, Celine.
Monterrey, Mexico
If Puerto Rico didn't work, let's try another Latin American site that is technically not controlled by the United States but effectively is.
Pluses:
The drinking age is 18, so more beer revenue is likely.
There's no snow in April.
Players won't even have to wait until the off-season to purchase their steroids at the now world-famous and infinitely trustworthy farmacias.
Minuses:
International teams don't seem to be working out too well. Toronto will the only NBA and MLB city remaining, and even the NHL is losing Canadian teams.
Who the heck wants to watch baseball when it's 112 degrees in the shade?
Conclusion:
More beer, drugs and sweat. Frankly, Montreal is better for baseball, and once Spring Break is over and "Girls Gone Wild" has gone home, Mexico isn't that great.
Portland, Ore.
Despite the name of the city's basketball team, this city has blazed no trails in anything that I can remember. It's just where frontiersmen stopped. I'll give it a scientific analysis anway.
Pluses:
It's on the West Coast and not part of that demented state of California, so it's already a step up in my book.
The state is featured in one of the best video games of all time, Oregon Trail (I suggest an Apple II emulator for your computer). Bulls vs. Blazers is also fantastic.
Minuses:
Chicks dig the long ball. Damp weather means not that many home runs. How are you supposed to drag your girlfriend to the park for a pitchers' duel. Even Jack Morris in the '91 World Series isn't entertaining to a casual fan, and casual fans are who these teams really need to attract, not diehards. They're going to watch baseball anyway.
What's their mascot going to be? The site has already capitalized on its video-game fame, and there's not much else that's going on there. I can't handle another "Bobcats," and "Expos" was kind of weird even when it related to the city (The Montreal Expo of 1967 was two years before the team's first season).
Conclusion:
Despite being "the epicenter of America's microbrewing Renaissance," according to the city's visitors association, even 27 varieties of beers at the concession stand couldn't help this franchise out. Hmm, maybe the Portland Brewers would work . . . Too bad that one's already been taken.
Where is the best?
It looks like none of these cities are going to work out. I guess Major League Baseball is just stuck with Washington D.C./northern Virginia. Hmmm, the local fan base is big enough to support two teams (see Ravens and Redskins), despite Angelos' protestations. The city has supported two MLB franchises in the past. Maybe it's not such a bad idea.
Hopefully, the MLB bureaucracy notices that this is the best spot for a franchise, as it works on its third year of doing nothing. They'll figure it out.
Go Bureaucrats!
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