A new way for Woody-Woo to woo prospectives

I have a few suggestions for the Woodrow Wilson School's admissions committee. Professor Katz? Dr. Scovronick? You listening? Good.

First off, ditch the personal statement. Everyone knows that it's nothing more than an excuse to air a passel of lies. If prospective Woody Woo majors actually cared about world hunger, they'd be applying to study something at least tangibly related — agriculture, for instance.

Next, institute an interview process — it's the most accurate means of screening applicants, as so much of a WWS major's time is occupied by erudite intellectual discussion and heated debate with other WWS majors. Prospectives could break into small groups to meet with current majors — or, in the more refined specializations — East African microfinance, mid-century Venezuelan cultural diplomacy, comparative NGO governance-policy, and the like — they could even meet one-on-one. Particularly promising applicants might be led up to the third floor of the building for a more intimate, distraction-free setting.

To soften the tone of the interviews, majors ought to emphasize that there's no real need for everyone to confine the discussion to world affairs, or even to engage in serious conversation at all. To set the proper mood, the two of you should encourage the majors to play charades. To tell anecdotes about their childhood. If the conversation dies, the majors could hold an informal eating contest. (Note that this might be in poor taste for prospectives interested in studying famine — in that case, they could be asked to build tiny models of Robertson Hall out of white toothpicks and marshmallows.)

To build a spirit of camaraderie among the prospectives, majors could set cooperative tasks before them: a gang of prospectives might be dispatched to raise the WWS flag over the Politics Department, another could serenade Michael Sugrue, a third could throw condiments at prospective Economics majors, a fourth could steal the banjo from Robert George's office.

To take the edge off of the entire process, introduce the majors to the applicants before the process begins. Let each major name several prospectives to be invited to a dinner with the majors. An informal evening social gathering or two might be in order — perhaps even with some alcohol served (for those of legal age, of course).

It stands to reason that if the majors are handling the interviews, they ought to play more of a role in the decision-making process. The present admissions oligarchy must be dismantled. Instead, the interviewers could submit brief report cards on the applicants to the WWS Undergraduate Committee, who would review the cards and render the final decisions — just as the UNESCO Cultural Review committee selects its members.

The Woody Woo acceptances also need to be more enthusiastic. More festive. And above all, more personal. Sending notifications via campus mail is far too impersonal for such weighty matters as to whether one will spend two years nattering about economic policy in WWS or political economy in POL. Instead, both of you, along with the department, must notify the majors in person. A procession of majors and faculty should visit each room of the newly minted members, and announce their election with a burst of champagne and a round of cheers. You, Prof. Scovronick could hoist the bust of Adlai Stevenson high above your lofty head, you, Prof. Katz, could bang policy manuals together for a merry din, and the entire junior and senior classes could follow behind you, singing, drinking, and making merry, all the while chanting "W [expletive] W [expletive] S!"

After all these changes, you'll probably need a new name for the WWS admission process. Regrettably, I can't come up with one that seems appropriate. Joseph Barillari is a computer science major from North Canton, Ohio. He can be reached at jbarilla@princeton.edu.