According to the Sept. 10 U.S. News and World Report college rankings, Princeton is the number one institute of higher learning in the country for the second year in a row. The University had an overall score of 100.0 — surpassing Harvard and Yale, who were tied for a measly second.
But while this clearly is a source of pride for Princetonians near and far, let's not let hubris get the better of us. In other ranking facilities, Princeton only climbs as high as number six or, brace yourself, even number nine!
"You're joking!" you may say. And, yes, to an extent it is a joke.
A website called the College Ranking Service — located at www.rankyourcollege.com — provides a tongue-in-cheek college ranking system in which Princeton is sometimes found at the bottom of the top ten list.
There are four categories under which a college can be ranked, each defined by the number of so-called factors it considers. "The Classic" is synonymous with U.S. News' "National Universities-Doctoral" rank and "heavily weighs factors (147 out of 629)." On the other hand, "The Fairness" ranks all 629 factors. The other two categories rank the colleges by least and most expensive.
The joke is that the rankings are completely random, though the website does not admit it. Each time the page is refreshed the rankings change. Sometimes Princeton can jump from number nine to number two or disappear completely from the top-ten list.
"Because of the Kanoeddel effect, we note that our rankings are not static," the website explains. "Hitting the refresh button on your web browser will cause the Mighty Max to recompute the rankings, resulting in a slightly different order."
The site maintains, moreover, "Critics have made the outrageous claim that this ranking consists merely of a random number generator and have transmitted an ugly rumor that the initials 'JGGTC' in our algorithm stand for 'Jerry Garcia Goes to College.' These unfounded claims are libelous."
It asserts, "Through elaborate meta-analysis that took place over several years at a cost equal (in 1944 dollars) to the Manhattan Project, we identified 629 independent factors (cabalists on our staff . . . believe we have identified the Holy Grail, so to speak, of higher education) contributing to the quality of a college."
And it even goes so far as to critique other college rankings: "We note that year-to-year variability in rankings is embedded in inferior ranking services provided by major magazines. Their variability is a cheap imitation of our own."
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