From 'whazzaa' to 'got milk?' catch phrases catch on

WHAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!!!

If you're one of the 38 people on this campus who doesn't drink Budweiser, you might not know that this is how people say "hello" to each other nowadays. Gone are the days when a simple "Hey," "How's it hangin' " or "Whan that April" would suffice. In order to sound hip in the 21st century, you have to unravel your tongue and wail away as if someone were sticking roadkill in your mouth while you were trying to scream.

From the first time Dookie and Mutt played phone tag in Anheuser-Busch's now infamous television ad, it was pretty clear that "Whazzaa" was going to replace the lethargic head nod as everyone's favorite salutation.

This parasitic approach to pop culture should come as no surprise. Believe it or not (not!), the Whazzaa phenomenon isn't the first thing everybody has leeched off the entertainment business and incorporated into daily slang (as if!). Throughout the years, pop culture has invented some excellent expressions to help us party on, Garth.

Budweiser has been a leading producer of such hoppin' lingo, from those (Bud) hideously (Weis) annoying (Er) frogs to the Yes-I-Am guy. Got milk? Got a really pathetic spinoff to advertise your University-sponsored group in hundreds of fliers around campus? If not, just add "2K" to the end of your group's name, and people will raise the roof in phatty RESPECT.

What am I talking about, Willis? It's the originality, stupid. Bo knows it's not our fault for being so uninspired in the way we speak casually. I hold pop culture directly responsible for cranking out one fleeting catch phrase after another. Our job is simply to bastardize those slogans in a last-ditch attempt to act or seem cool.

Movies and television aren't the only contributors to our dialect (read my lips, I have not had sexual relations with anyone lately), but they are certainly the most popular. Affecting Dr. Evil and telling someone you like her mini-skirt might be groovy, baby, but busting out some verses from 1 Corinthians won't be unless you're trying to impress a girl that wouldn't put out in one million years anyway.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's the fun part! We social lemmings try to keep up with the latest verbal fads. In that way, pop culture is like a box of chocolates — you never know what you're going to get.

In fact, if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish the implausible: speaking exclusively in pop-culture slang. Your friends may think you've gone postal (whatever, losers!). If they do, just remind them that their brains are the ones with the thin candy shell.

Excuse me, now that you're in your upright and fastened positions, I'd like to ass you a few questions. Where's the beef? What would Brian Boitano do? Are you too good for your home? Answer me. Is that your final answer? Doh. No soup for you. Hasta la vista, baby. It's an X-K-Red-27 Technique. I know you are, but what am I? I am Cornholio! Get in mah belly! You will respect my authori-tay or I'll have to get medieval on your ass. Asphincter says what? Huh huh huh, I said "sphincter." That was pretty cool, huh, buttnugget? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaall righty, then. I don't think I'm in Princeton anymore, Toto.

Hold on a sec. (Click.)

WHAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAA AAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!