Auntie J. here, with another dose of love and friendly advice. I hope you’re all readjusting back to our lovely New Jersey climate (Auntie isn’t), and that you’re rocking all your classes! If things aren’t going so hot, though, don’t forget; you can always turn to me at bit.ly/askauntiej, and the lovely people at The Street will let me get back to you as soon as we print again!
This week’s question inspired a lot of debate over at Auntie’s house:
What do you do when the person you’re hooking up with tells you he wants to date your best friend?
If I can offer some general advice to my readers, don’t be the hookup! If you want to break off something that could even look like a semblance of a relationship for someone else, break it off, wait a while and then move on. Don’t decide you’ve had enough of someone and then think that you can salvage any last bit of the relationship to get them to help you in your future endeavors. It’s not on.
So, with that proviso out of the way, my dear reader, I think I can offer some advice. The first thing I’d do is either break off any relationship you have with the guy immediately, or at the very least, talk it out with him. You don’t want to be playing for second place with a guy that seems to be treating you like the inferior good — it’s not worth your time, and he’s not worth your respect. Depending on how long your hookups have been going on for, this might be pretty tough, especially if you’ve developed an emotional attachment to one another through the course of hooking up (there’s no shame in it — it happens). I would advise against allowing it to continue any further, though — nobody wants to spend their time guessing if a hookup is simply because they can’t find a ‘better option.’
The second step is the tougher one. You can either let the relationship between the guy and your friend happen, or you can step in. I don’t think it’s vindictive at all to push your friend away from the guy, especially since his past behavior with you suggests he might very well just be looking out for something new after a while with someone stable. If you’re really alright with it, though (and don’t feel like you have to be, by the way), you could let the wave ride its course and see if their dating works out. Although you’re not under any obligation to do this, it would be a solid thing to do for your friend if they’ve expressed interest in the guy — but, again, only do this if you feel comfortable.
Good luck, dear readers! And, whenever you’re feeling like things aren’t going quite right for you, always remember,
Auntie loves you all!