Dear Auntie J: Fed up with being polite

Hello sweeties!

Auntie J here with your weekly dose of wisdom. And, even if you’ve only seen the rain this week, I can promise you that there’s salacious gossip, mystery, intrigue, romance, and much more floating around in the Jersey air. Our question this week comes from “Fed up with being polite”:

Dear Auntie J,

In [Community Action] this fall, I met a student “Mark” and hung out with him a lot in the first few weeks of the semester. As I got to know him better I felt that we didn’t really click as friends and that I don't enjoy his company; for example, our senses of humor don’t mesh and he is very political while I am not. Although our CA group met for lunch often early on we have since grown distant and I have not seen any of them since fall break. I would prefer to treat Mark with this same distance, but he texts me about once a week to ask straight out if I want to get a meal or hang out. Looking through my texts it’s been about fifteen times since November. I have declined with an excuse and offered no attempts to find a better time or follow-up every single time and have switched to just replying “no thanks” though I’m aware it’s a little bit rude. He has done nothing wrong so I don’t want to be mean to him, but he also has not gotten the hint. My friends and parents say to continue deflecting until he gives up, but the idea of this going on indefinitely stresses me out. What should I do?

~ Fed up with being polite

Ah, sweetie. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? There are always people who seem to be much fonder of us than we are of them, and they sometimes just don’t get the message. This guy seems hell-bent on wanting to get to know you better; if it’s simply a “no thanks” that you’re sending, you’re making it abundantly clear that you’re not interested in progressing this any further.

I think the road you’re treading so far is best. Haven’t we all been in Mark’s position, too, desperate to get close to one of the many super cool people who we’re lucky enough to share this campus with? You don’t want to be mean, as you say — for obvious reasons, not least that you’d just embarrass yourself without having achieved a great deal — but, then again, you’re already fed up with just pretending as if everything’s okay. Are you the sort of person who replies straight away when he texts? If so, wait a few days longer and reply with a “super busy right now sorry.” If that doesn’t work, try giving him the cold shoulder and stop replying. If he persists after that, just quit showing any kind of interest whatsoever and stop replying. You got this!

Got a similar problem to our guest this week? Love got you down? School getting too much? Whatever your question, Auntie J wants to know! Head on over to bit.ly/askauntiej and ask away!