1. Live in Forbes.
2. Wake up at 9:50 a.m. for a 10 a.m. class and sprint to the lecture hall.
3. Take a trip to the zodiac circle of heads outside the New South building, jog in circles around the heads, then sit down and chant a ritual for help from the zodiac gods: “Gods, please give me the superpower to eat without weight gain.”
4. Do not stay up late. Staying up late leads to hunger. Hunger leads to the WaWa. The WaWa leads to food. Another night, another quesadilla.
5. Maybe think about heading over to the gym, but decide not to by telling yourself that you have a lot of work.
6. But do go to the gym about once every two months to tell yourself that you’re staying fit and that you do have the motivation.
7. And now that you’re so motivated, have the courage to say no to ice cream in the dining hall.
8. Eat the ice cream anyway.
9. You have a superpower, don’t you remember?
10. Re-perform the ritual at the zodiac heads. You are now forever fit and healthy.
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