Patton ?77 dispenses advice for female students at campus lecture

Susan Patton ’77 discussed her recent letter to the editor of The Daily Princetonian and her advice for the women of Princeton at a lecture on campus Thursday evening.

Patton gained national recognition after her letter encouraging female students to find a husband before graduating from the University was published on March 29.

She explained to the students in a crowded Whig Hall that she wrote the letter in order to tell young women that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be married and have children, that they should recognize the limitations on their ability to conceive their own children as they grow older and that they will never be surrounded by such a concentration of “outstanding” men that they can marry again.

“If you don’t meet your future husband on campus, where do you think you might meet him?” she asked, noting that relationships begun at work, a religious institution, a bar, an online dating service or a blind date might not be feasible. “I’m not saying get married on campus while you’re here — unless you’re ready to get married — but look on campus while you’re here.”

Students challenged the feasibility of Patton’s advice after the lecture by asking her about the hook-up culture on campus, which is often said to prevent long-term relationships.

“That’s always been a problem for the good girls, the smart girls, the nice girls competing against the girls who are easier to make than a peanut butter sandwich,” Patton said. “But as [men] mature, as they start thinking more seriously about who they really do want to settle down with and who they would consider starting a family and having children with, it’s probably not going to be those girls.”

She said that a woman will become progressively more desperate every year she waits to find a husband, which “has the effect of giving off man-repellent.”

Likewise, Patton said that the desirable men that a woman might find in her 30s after she has developed her career will likely already be married with children at home.

Patton, who is recently divorced, told a student in the audience that she would not suggest settling for a husband in college because there might not be opportunities after graduation and instead said that a female student must take an active role in finding her future mate.

“People have said to me, ‘Oh, well, love just happens.’ No, it doesn’t. Nothing just happens,” she said. “If this is what you want you have to go after it, you have to pursue it and you have to do so methodically and smartly. You have to plan for your personal happiness just the way you plan for your professional happiness, why would you ever think otherwise?”

Patton suggested that the best solution to solving the problem of finding a spouse is to create a new postfeminist manifesto that empowers women to want whatever they truly want for themselves. She said she doesn’t know exactly what it means to be a feminist, but she believes that the feminists of today are too disapproving of women who want to be married and have a family, and should be more encouraging of the life part of the work-life balance.

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Former American Whig-Cliosophic Society president Cara Eckholm ’14 closed the event by asking Patton whether her opinions had been changed at all by the responses to her letter.

“Oh, no, they’ve been reinforced,” Patton responded.

The event, titled “Advice From a Princeton Mom,” took place Thursday at 7:30 p.m. in the Whig Hall Senate Chamber.

Correction: Due to an editing error, an earlier version of this article mischaracterized a statement by Susan Patton. She noted that for students, certain types of relationships begun after college may not be feasible. The 'Prince' regrets the error.