Although the flower-filled, balloon-decorated, abhorrently pink Valentine’s Day has passed, the harrowing witness accounts of public displays of affection still remain. We watched as audacious couples aggressively sucked at each other’s faces, adorably Eskimo kissed and held hands in a vice-like grip. My personal favorite was an unexpected running leap of a kiss on Nassau Street — one girl galloped at her boyfriend, who swept her off her feet for a smooch on the sidewalk.
Some witnesses view public displays of affection as a challenge — an opportunity to one-up overly demonstrative couples. Yet others feel demoralized and embarrassed by their own lacking love lives. But the insecurities and discomfort we feel as witnesses of PDA are entirely unwarranted. Excessive PDA is necessary for couples to prove to complete strangers that they are most definitely in a relationship. It is the only remedy for insecurity and the sole proof that two people are truly perfect for one another. Actually, this doesn’t even just apply to couples. If you happen to be free of the emotional and physical burden of a relationship, public displays of affection can signal to everyone around you that you are single and loving it.
Many of these displays get their start on the sweaty, dim dance floor. Amid the dancing masses there are a select few who raise the stakes and take their grinding to the next level. I like to think of these brave, intrepid souls as make-out preceptors; every weekend they teach us new hook-up techniques, or, in more unfortunate cases, show us what not to do. Thanks to the mood lighting of the dance floor, we can all take part in their hands-on demonstrations. Couples instruct us on Saturday nights how to nimbly maneuver several different hook-ups in a span of 30 minutes. Next time you’re headed out to the Street, be prepared to take notes; you never know what you’re going to learn from the people writhing against the wall. As you’re leaving, be sure to thank those kind, lustful strangers for taking the initiative to round out your sexual education.
The Dementors of Harry Potter made me feel that the lip-on-lip action would cause me to lose my soul. Luckily, the lovely participants of Prospect hook-ups and couples who just can’t find a room have dashed that myth entirely. Clearly they are in full retention of their souls, as they can walk about campus, completely inseparable, as if they have morphed into a single person. It’s completely understandable — many couples can only be comfortable with their relationship if they are constantly within an 18-inch radius of each other. This physical closeness serves to demonstrate true affection, not creepy attachment. I know if I happen to be in an area where a true-love kiss is happening, I’m definitely not filled with a sense of dread, hopelessness and doom.
Listen guys, we have nothing to fear. The number of documented visits to McCosh on account of losing one’s face in a make-out has hovered around zero for a solid three years. PDA is neither dangerous nor disgusting. It’s a clear way for singles to show that they are single and for couples to broadcast their unavailability. Ladies and gents can avoid the awkward “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend” as the excuse for not dancing with you, kissing you or even talking to you, because their mouths will be otherwise occupied. Public displays of affection are like a real-life relationship status: single, in a relationship or DTF.