First-year tests positive for bubonic plague, negative for COVID-19
The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
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The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Since the start of the semester, rumors have swirled among students that COVID-19 cases are on the rise. However, an email from Derek Ziegler, the assistant director for emergency preparedness, noted that “case numbers have actually declined in each of the last three weeks from a peak in late August” — when the Class of 2027 first arrived on campus.
On March 11, 2020, the day of the “end of the world,” Camille Reeves ’23 was taking a midterm exam. Apart from the sound of papers rustling and students ferociously scribbling, the room was silent. Then, the pings started. Notification after notification, phones tucked away in backpacks began to sound, echoing through the exam room.
Principal Chief Geoffrey Standing Bear discussed his experience navigating federal laws and relationships as Principal Chief of the Osage Nation in Oklahoma at a talk on Tuesday, Nov. 29, in Aaron Burr Hall.
As the COVID-19 virus continues to pose a dynamic threat worldwide, University researchers are studying the enigmatic properties of the virus. Recently, Princeton chemists and molecular biologists identified eight new entry points the COVID-19 spike protein exploits to penetrate the cell surface and successfully infect cells. Out of these eight newly discovered candidate receptors, the scientists found that four are vital to enabling viral COVID-19 infection.
In honor of the closure of Nassau Street’s Dunkin’, I’m taking a trip down memory lane. For the first-years who never even knew this Dunkin’ once existed, let me enlighten you: This Dunkin’ did not have particularly good coffee or stellar customer service. It wasn’t always tasty or pleasant. It didn’t have the local charm of Small World or the customizability of Starbucks. But it was always there for you. And it was always the cheapest option.
On March 18, Princeton University announced that Dr. Anthony Fauci has been selected to be the Class Day 2022 Speaker, following a similar announcement by the Class Day co-chairs in an email to the Class of 2022.
On Jan. 15, New York’s moratorium on evictions officially expired, ending a pandemic-era policy that allowed tenants to continue living in their leased residences even when they could not afford to pay rent.
The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Until the past couple of weeks, Princeton largely felt like an Orange Bubble in terms of protection from the coronavirus. In October there were several days where no new cases of COVID-19 were detected among faculty, undergraduates, and graduate students.
Sometimes, on a cold November evening, Shakespeare is just what you need.
I recently returned from my first international research trip since the pandemic sent us all into isolation and into little square Zoom boxes nearly 20 months ago. This was a trip I had been hoping to take for a long time, a much-anticipated return to the libraries in England that house the manuscripts which are the focus of my book-in-progress. When I received University approval to take the trip in early September, I set about booking flights and hotel rooms like I always do before travel, but this time I also had to book appointments for several COVID-19 tests.
For the first time since the undergraduate student body returned to campus for a full residential experience this fall, the University’s COVID-19 dashboard has classified campus risk status for the virus as “Low.”
On Wednesday, Sept. 1, University undergraduate students dispersed around campus as they headed to their first in-person classes of the fall semester, almost a year and a half after the COVID-19 pandemic forced the University to adopt online learning as its main form of interactive education.
In December 2018, the University announced that the seventh residential college would be named Perelman College following a $65 million donation by Revlon CEO Debra Perelman ’96 and her father, CEO of MacAndrews & Forbes Inc. Ron Perelman, through the Perelman Family Foundation.
On campus, Alberto Bruzos Moro is the director of Princeton’s Spanish Language Program and is slated to teach two seminars this fall. Off campus, Bruzos is a father to an immunocompromised nine-year-old son. With the rise of the COVID-19 delta variant, Bruzos is left balancing excitement for a return to the classroom with worries about his child’s health.
The following is a guest contribution and reflects the author’s views alone. For information on how to submit an article to the Opinion Section, click here.
Content Warning: This article includes descriptions of alleged sexual misconduct.
Seated in popular Nassau Street restaurant Jammin’ Crepes on Monday, New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy signed a bill that will provide $15 million in federal relief to struggling small businesses throughout the state.
As of April 5, all educators and support staff at colleges and universities in New Jersey will be eligible for a COVID-19 vaccine, according to a Campus Community COVID-19 update on April 2. This includes all University researchers and students who work on campus.