The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
- Pregnancy is a medical condition that affects the types of medications you can take and the healthcare McCosh Health Center should provide.
- They ordered a bunch of pregnancy tests in 2002 and need to give them away before they expire (20-year shelf life).
- They’re passive aggressively asking if you’ve gotten fat.
- Princeton likes to keep tabs on potential legacy babies.
- Nurses enjoy small talk just like everyone else.
- Living in Princeton is boring, but scoring an invite to a baby shower every now and then really breaks up the monotony.
- Planned Parenthood needs business in a post-Roe world.
Claire Silberman is a Head Humor Editor at the ‘Prince.’ She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.