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Headliners and Headshakers

(02/17/16 4:00pm)

Potential NJ Transit strike to interfere with Spring Break travel, not the first time NJ Transit has let us down PPPL researchers receive grant to use supercomputer, don't receive permission to make Skynet self-aware Student-faculty relationships to be prohibited under new U.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/02/headliners-and-headshakers-42

News&Notes: Antonin Scalia, Supreme Court Justice, dies at 79

(02/14/16 12:51pm)

Associate Justice Antonin Scalia, a native of Trenton, N.J., died Saturday at a resort in West Texas. Though the causes of his death were not immediately released, a spokeswoman for the United States Marshals Service stated that nothing indicated that anything other than natural causes was at play. Scalia was the longest serving Justice of the Supreme Court and often considered a "conservative champion," according to a 2012 Daily Princetonian article. Some of Scalia's notable rulings include a dissenting opinion inObergefell v.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/02/newsnotes-antonin-scalia-supreme-court-justice-dies-at-79

News&Notes: Graduate students to be awarded the 2016 Jacobus fellowship

(02/11/16 11:14am)

Four graduate students were named as the recipients of 2016 Porter Ogden Jacobus Fellowship on Wednesday.Joshua Bennett GS, Kellen Funk GS, Carlee Joe-Wong GS and Rajesh Ranganath GS are the winners of this year's fellowship, the University's top honor for graduate students.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/02/newsnotes-graduate-students-to-be-awarded-the-2016-jacobus-fellowship

Agolia ’16, Nelson ’16 win Pyne Prize

(02/10/16 1:21pm)

University seniors James Agolia '16 and Andrew Nelson '16 were named winners of the 2016 Moses Taylor Pyne Honor Prize on Wednesday, according to a University press release.The Pyne Prize isthe highest general distinction given to undergraduate students.Agolia and Nelson will be recognized with the prize during Alumni Day on Feb.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/02/agolia-16-nelson-16-win-pyne-prize

Top Ten: Intersession Activities

(02/03/16 5:35pm)

1. Snowed in. 2. Netflix and "chill" — with snow. 3.Snow shoveling. 4.Watching "The Shining" on Netflix, becoming paranoid. 5.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/02/top-ten-intersession-activities

Headliners and Headshakers

(02/03/16 5:30pm)

Third Wintersession offers many classes to students, "Jonas: The IMAX 4D Winter Experience" among them Updated: Snowstorm strikes campus the one week without school Historical Society of Princeton opens farm, reenacts historic Princeton agri-"culture" Princeton town to make Unicycle Master Plan with Schwinn input USG to initiate hoverboard share program, work on telling fewer Nickelback jokes for Lawnparties First round sign-in ends, ICC not releasing numbers but the truth is out there

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/02/headliners-and-headshakers-41

Career Services hires psychics, encourages changes to LinkedIn profiles*

(01/07/16 5:07pm)

The University’s Office of Career Services has revolutionized its program with an emphasis on unconventionality, including hiring psychics to consult with students about where they should end up. Executive Director of Career Services Pulin Sanghvi explained that Career Services made the decision to hire psychics because they did not have enough time to process all the students who were sent in to see them and because they thought psychics would do a better job in providing guidance.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/career-services-hires-psychics-encourages-changes-to-linkedin-profiles

Sprint football wins first game in 100 years*

(01/07/16 4:34pm)

The sprint football team recently ended a losing streak of 100 years in a specially scheduled off-season showdown extravaganza. It was clear from the very beginning that this would be no ordinary game for the Tigers.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/sprint-football-wins-first-game-in-100-years

U. introduces strict new political correctness guidelines*

(01/07/16 4:25pm)

The University is instituting a campaign to purge itself of all documents, statements and expressions that do not meet University standards of political correctness. P.C.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/u-introduces-strict-new-political-correctness-guidelines

Courtney Banghart to coach Daily Princetonian dodgeball team*

(01/07/16 4:05pm)

After achieving stratospheric success in the realm of basketball during the 2014-15 season, women’s basketball head coach Courtney Banghart has decided to part ways from the team she took to a 31-1 record last season.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/courtney-banghart-to-coach-daily-princetonian-dodgeball-team

Bill Bradley ’65 returning to Princeton, joins both basketball and football teams*

(01/07/16 4:00pm)

After celebrating his 50th Reunion this past May, former men’s basketball star Bill Bradley ’65 decided he missed his beloved “Old Nassau” far too much to remain away for long.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/bill-bradley-65-returning-to-princeton-joins-both-basketball-and-football-teams

Fencing, rifle teams duel for limited club sports funds*

(01/07/16 3:14pm)

Youcant Pokeme ’18, captain of the University club fencing team and Big Shot ’18, captain of the University rifle shooting team, were severely injured in a duel that occurred on Wednesday.The duel occurred as a result of the new club sports fund allocation, according to Director of Club Sports Cind Erella.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/fencing-rifle-teams-duel-for-limited-club-sports-funds

USG candidates debate undocumented emigration from Forbes*

(01/07/16 1:27pm)

The undocumented migration of students from Forbes College to campus has become a highly prevalent topic in this year’s Undergraduate Student Government elections.Around 60 percent of the students housed in Forbes have abandoned their rooms there and brought sleeping bags to the sidewalk of University Place.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/forbes-immigration-joke-issue

Economics and ORFE independent work advisers found not to exist*

(01/07/16 12:58pm)

On paper, Jacob Ruijskman was a decorated University professor: a graduate of MIT’s economics program, who had co-authored papers on the Great Depression and the financial crisis and made contributions to applied game theory.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/economics-and-orfe-independent-work-advisers-found-not-to-exist

Patton '77 partners with U. dropout to found matrimony app*

(01/07/16 12:05pm)

“Princeton Mom” Susan Patton ’77 will be partnering with former computer science majors from the University to create Yente, an app to partner college students together in matrimonial bliss.Patton explained that participants in the app will fill out profiles including intended post-graduate job, major, extracurricular activities including fraternities or eating clubs and physical characteristics.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/susan-patton-app-joke-issue

Ryan uses stolen U. fans to beat Jets*

(01/07/16 9:50am)

Last week, the New York Jets fell to the Buffalo Bills under excessively strong winds, believed to be generated by fans stolen from the University by former Jets head coach, Rex Ryan.One year ago, Ryan was found to be camping out in Princeton Stadium, living in a small shanty made out of tackling dummies and scarves, sticking pins into Mark Sanchez voodoo dolls, all while University President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 brought him three meals each day and listened to profanity-laced tirades against various members of the Jets organization.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/ryan-uses-stolen-u-fans-to-beat-jets

Republican debate to take place on tropical island*

(01/07/16 9:32am)

The next Republican debate will feature a new format, that of a survival-of-the-fittest contest, CNBC moderator John Harwood said. Harwood explained that the candidates will be put on a deserted tropical island with provisions, but no weapons.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/republican-debate-to-take-place-on-tropical-island

U. selects squirrel as its new mascot*

(01/07/16 9:18am)

Fifteen hundred students were spotted walking around in squirrel onesies as part of a new protest to make squirrels the new mascot of the University.Callme Nutty ’18, the leader of the Squirrel Movement, said that the movement began in response to some papers found in the Mudd Manuscript Library.The papers claimed that squirrels were supposed to be the mascot for the University, according to proposals drafted by Bruce Wayne ’39.Wayne was unavailable for comment as he was allegedly at war with Catwoman.“Squirrels should be the mascots of this great institution because they’re so cute,” the papers claimed, according to Nutty, “and cats like lions or tigers are too violent.”According to Nutty, the paper went on to detail reasons for choosing squirrels as the mascot, which focused on their preparedness for the future in collecting their food before every winter and forgetting to take out buried nuts, which grew into trees.The original squirrel papers could not be traced as tigers allegedly ate them 50 years ago.Nutty said that the squirrel has always been the University’s official mascot in secret.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/u-selects-squirrel-as-its-new-mascot

Field Hockey forced to give other Ivy League teams handicaps*

(01/07/16 8:33am)

After another dominant season in Ivy League play, the field hockey team came to a realization that it was actually just too good for the rest of the Ivies to handle, and as such will be forced to make provisions to actually give the other Ivy League teams a chance during league play.“It feels amazing after the first few seasons of crushing, but afterwards it starts to feel a little boring.” field hockey head coach Kristen Holmes explained.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/field-hockey-forced-to-give-other-ivy-league-teams-handicaps

Menge arm attributed to tracker device*

(01/07/16 3:31am)

Secret injection of trackers along with the meningitis vaccine has been identified as the cause for the painful post-meningitis-vaccine “meng arm” in freshmen, according to an investigation conducted by the Undergraduate Student Government. The first tracker was discovered in Iliketobelieve Imspecial ’19 when he underwent a full body scan for undisclosed medical reasons. “I was looking at my scan reports when suddenly I saw this little device with the Princeton logo embedded in my arm,” Imspecial said. Imspecial added that the device was identified as a tracker by zooming in on and studying the scans, since the device could not be removed. “This is Princeton we’re talking about,” Imspecial said.

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/article/2016/01/menge-arm-attributed-to-tracker-device


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