A year or two ago, P!nk’s song “Perfect” was blasting on radios across the country. Her powerful refrain implored us “[not to] ever, ever feel like you are less than, less than perfect.” People — myself included — drank in her lyrics as a powerful message of self-affirmation and acceptance. P!nk meant well when she asked us to remember that we are perfect just the way we are, but she neglected to mention that we are humans and thus, inherently flawed. I remember listening to that song on repeat and telling myself that I was indeed perfect, but then I remembered that I was rude to a friend earlier that day and that I had yelled at my brother. These were hardly the actions of someone perfect, but P!nk was still telling me that I was.
One Direction later sang to some special girl that “Baby, you’re perfect.” But if, say, the girl is consistently told by her 1D boyfriend that she is “perfect,” but also comes late to dates, forgets birthdays, and makes hurtful comments, she neglects to improve upon character traits that need work. If one member of a couple buys into notions of the perfection of their partner, they are giving their partner license to ignore the places where they need to improve.
Looking through old high school yearbooks, I find numerous entries from girlfriends telling me that “I’m perfect! Don’t ever change!” While my friends’ comments were motivated by goodwill and encouragement, they also subconsciously reinforce the notion that I don’t have anything to work on — and, as a human being, I absolutely do. When we tell each other how “perfect” we are, we let each other forget that we have failings and flaws that need to be tended to for the sake of our emotional, physical and mental health, no matter how “perfect” we pretend we are.
As humans, we can be impatient, rude, unkind, self-centered, and greedy. Our actions can lead us to broken hearts, failed exams, and misguided thoughts. Yet, instead of pursuing a course of self-evaluation and self-improvement in the moments when we feel like “nothing,” we turn to our friends and favorite singers who tell us that we’re perfect.
We are not perfect, and to remind ourselves of that fact is not an assault on our self-worth. It is, rather, a reminder that we need to grow. Deluding ourselves by believing we’re “perfect” robs us of the opportunity to improve ourselves, and, in doing so, build our character and appetite for positive growth. It is the triumph over a vice or bad habit that instills us with the courage and tenacity we need to succeed. Only once we’ve developed in a meaningful way can we applaud ourselves on a job well done. With perfection, there is no job to be done at all.
I can’t possibly be perfect if I hurt a friend’s feelings last week, which I did. Instead of listening to P!nk's vapid words, I devised a step-by-step plan on how to better listen and care for others. Instead of telling yourself that you’re perfect when you procrastinated on your paper until 3 a.m., go to a McGraw session on time management. You have nothing to lose in introspection except, of course, the notion that you are perfect. So I suggest you rid yourself of the idea, and instead improve the quality of your work, relationships, and health. Once we’ve made the decision to change for the better, we’ve accepted our imperfection and ventured further into the long journey of self-improvement as a mortal striving for moral goodness.
The next time that a song on the radio tells you that you’re perfect, smile. You know something that the singer doesn’t realize. You know that you aren’t perfect. You know that you are a fallible, flawed being. You know that you have a long road ahead of you, and you know that you will make mistakes. You also know, however, that you have the enormous potential to change.
Leora Eisenberg is a freshman from Eagan, MN. She can be reached at leorae@princeton.edu.
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